Mars Hill is a meeting place to talk about life. It's named for the hill in Athens where the philosophers used to meet and debate what life was all about. Thanks for letting me share part of my journey with you.
My son, Levi, got married this past Saturday. I remember Amanda, the girl he married, as a little six year old dynamo with attitude. She's now a beautiful young lady, and she's stolen his heart.
I remember wondering, all those years ago at the soccer pitch, which of those little girls might someday become my daughter-in-law. My son made a wise choice. As Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord."
Many times over the past 23 years or so I prayed for the girl my son would choose, long before he or I had any idea who that might be. I did that because I believe that prayer is effective, and there are very few decisions in life that have the potential impact on your life as the person you choose as a life partner.
It's amazing how time flies. This week we've been taking my wife's mother on a tour of the area and our old haunts. We talked about our first few months of marriage - this September will mark 30 years - and, in retrospect, it's amazing we survived.
We did almost everything wrong. We got married young: I was 19; she had just turned 20. We moved into my parent's basement. We didn't have good jobs. I was Canadian; she was American. I moved her all the way from Tennessee to the cold of Canada. The list could go on and on. Yet, here we are, all these years later, still in love and still together. How does that happen?
Looking back, here are the truths that rise to the surface.
God is Faithful One thing we both shared was an absolute confidence that God would take care of us. We trusted Him and He didn't let us down. I remember, in our first year of marriage, when we had both been laid off and our unemployment insurance hadn't started. We were down to our last potato - literally - and we prayed that God would provide. We went to church (it was Sunday) and, by the time we came out, someone had filled our back seat with groceries.
Over and over again, just when it looked like there was no way out, God opened another door and provided a way. When Levi was just a toddler, he came down with a disease we'd never heard of before: Kawasaki's. Our doctor had not seen it either and thought that it was Scarlet Fever. By the time he was diagnosed, Levi was almost comatose and not certain to survive. People everywhere were praying, special treatment was given, and after a week in Sick Kids Hospital he was able to come home. It was years before the doctors gave him a clean bill of health. You think of things like this on your child's wedding day. God is faithful. Loving is a choice
Part of the problem with Hollywood's version of love is that it's based on emotion, and emotions change. The Bible teaches that love is a choice. God commands us to love each other. He doesn't say to love only when you feel like it. I remember listening to a wonderful speaker by the name of Elva Howard many years ago. She said, "While you may not always have red-hot passion in your marriage, you should always have red-hot commitment." This was great advice for the ebb and flow of marriage.
I tell people that we've been married for almost 30 years; 23 of them happy. There have been some rough spots. There have been times when I wasn't sure that we would make it, to be quite honest. We all carry baggage with us into marriage, and we had (have) our share. But we hung in there, learning how to communicate better, how to understand each other, and carrying one another when necessary. When all else fails we choose to love.
Forgiveness is a necessity As perfect as you may think your bride or husband may be as you stand at the marriage altar, there is one thing you can be sure of: they will let you down. Whether deliberately or by accident they will hurt you. They will not meet your expectations, they will disappoint you, and sometimes they will even fail miserably. It is at these moments when a relationship is tested.
We can forgive when we are honest enough to admit to ourselves that we aren't perfect either. For me, I know that I am a great sinner and Jesus is a great Savior. When I think of the forgiveness I've received, how can I not forgive the one I pledged to love forever if she asks? - and even if she doesn't. As someone said: "Those who can't forgive, burn the
bridge over
which they themselves must pass."
I'm so glad that I didn't surrender to my desire, at times, to run away as fast as I could. I'm just as glad that, for whatever reason, my wife chose to stay with me when I know it was tempting to walk away. As I watched my son, this weekend, pledge himself to Amanda for the rest of his life, I couldn't help but think that yes, it's worth it.
I hope and pray that my children don't repeat my mistakes, they certainly don't need to. I'll gladly share what I've learned the hard way if they ask. But I also pray that they always look to God who's faithful; that they choose to love, especially when it's difficult, and that they forgive from the heart. God will bless a marriage like that.
I originally posted this in May of 2011. I'm reposting it, as my son, Levi, will marry his beautiful fiance, Amanda, in two days. The points are still relevant.
Tomorrow afternoon I get to perform the marriage ceremony for my niece and her fiance. I do a few weddings a year, and every time I do I am acutely aware that there is a lot of disagreement about the very institution of marriage. I've met - and heard - a lot of people who have a very dim view indeed of matrimony.
There are varying reasons for this, some valid, some not so much. The rise in feminism and the resulting cries for sexual "liberation" from marriage resulted, at least for a time, in a great many young women rejecting marriage altogether. This cry for freedom came as the result of the historic patriarchal nature of marriage.
Another obvious reason is the dysfunction of many marriages. When children grow up seeing their parents constantly fighting and maybe even divorcing, their logical conclusion is that all marriage is like this, so why bother? One reason that's not spoken of often is the increase in sexual promiscuity. In other eras, men married in order to have sex; that is no longer necessary, and men are quite happy to take advantage of the situation. This change in behaviour has resulted in the rapid growth of co-habitation, a couple living together with no formal commitment. In today's social climate it is very rare to see a couple come to the marriage altar with their virginity.
The main question coming out of the changes we've seen is this: are we better off now that marriage has fallen out of favour? I, for one, would respond forcefully in the negative. Here are some of the reasons why:
We are not happier! According to a recent study, "researchers have concluded that although (Westerners) are rich compared with most other countries, many suffer from an emotional poverty caused by consumerism and the breakdown of family life. 'We are being seduced by an economic juggernaut and our personal needs are not being met,' said Nic Marks, a social sciences researcher at Surrey University who also worked on the report."
Non-traditional arrangements are less stable than marriages. (See article.) "A recent General Social Survey performed by Statistics Canada reported that in Canada, couples who choose a common-law relationship as their first conjugal union have a greater probability of this first union ending in separation, regardless of whether the common-law partners eventually married... Common-law unions are generally less stable than marriages: more than 60% of people who choose common-law unions as their first conjugal relationship are expected to separate."
Children are generally safer and happier when raised in a married home with both mother and father. (See study.) This is a particularly important issue because it points to what I believe is one of the underlying reasons that many have rejected marriage - selfishness.
We live in a culture that is incredibly narcissistic, and we've been convinced somehow that life revolves around us. This has resulted in the breakdown of community and a growing isolation. People who live like this see others as simply a means to their own happiness, but, as studies show, it's not working. We're not happier as a culture, that's why anti-depressant meds are a multi-billion dollar industry.
Here's what I've learned about happiness: it is not an end in itself, but is the product of consistently doing the right thing. It is not met by external things, but is realized by an inner fulfilment, a realization of a greater purpose.
All that being said, finding happiness in marriage is not an easy thing, it is difficult, as with almost anything worthwhile. I believe that part of the reason for the high failure rate in marriage is completely unrealistic expectations. As Sidney Harris writes: "Almost no-one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity, yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage."
Marriage is first a covenant, then it is a commitment. This was how God, who created us for each other, designed marriage. Counselor Gary Chapman tells us that "Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche." We need each other, and we need to know that we can rely on each other. So God made marriage to last for a lifetime. One man, one woman, until death.
The challenge in marriage is working out the commitment. It's putting the same energy into preserving the relationship as we did in its establishment. I heard a wonderful lady say something in a talk years ago that has always stuck with me. She said that there may not always be red-hot passion in a marriage, but there should always be red-hot commitment. So how does this work? What are the keys? As someone who's done his share of pre-marital counseling over the years, here are some of the keys that I've learned.
Get pre-marital counseling before marriage. It's amazing how many people don't feel like this is necessary. They would agree that deciding to marry is likely one of the most life-changing points in their lives yet not feel it is necessary to prepare. When faced with this mentality I usually ask if they have a driver's license. If so, did they study for the test? Is marriage more or less important than a driver's license. That's usually the end of the conversation.
Deal with your personal baggage. Everyone carries emotional baggage. There are incidents and issues in our lives that we carry with us that can affect our relationships. They're easily overlooked when a couple is dating and each is trying to put their best foot forward. But unresolved issues, like low self-esteem, an abusive background, anger issues, etc., will almost certainly jump up and bite you in the relationship later. Deal with them beforehand, and be honest. If your relationship can't handle the pressure of premarital counseling, you are not ready to marry!
Learn how to communicate effectively. In many surveys, the number one complaint of wives is that their husband will not communicate. In my experience, it's often because they don't really know how. Communication is complicated, and men and women obviously think very differently. We need to understand that communication is "a meeting of meanings" and not a battle we must win. We need to learn how to lay down our weapons of self-defense and get to know what makes our spouse tick. For a message on this, go here.
Be sure you're on the same page. This speaks to the question of worldview. I've had couples come to me, one an atheist and one a Christian, who wanted to be married. They didn't see that this was a problem. So I began to ask questions like, are you planning children? Will you raise the children in church or not? The more we talked, the more the potential problems became apparent, and the wedding was soon cancelled, and that was a good thing. For an article on worldview, go here.
Get a handle on your finances. Disagreement here is one of the top reasons for marriage breakup. Even if you think you've got it all together, I highly recommend that every couple take a course such as Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University." You'll be thankful later. Every married couple, like it or not, become financial partners in a new enterprise.
Talk about roles. Many marriages fail because of unmet expectations. Just because your mother was a stay-at-home Mom and loved it, doesn't mean your bride-to-be will be the same. Talk about division of labour. Who will clean the house, mow the lawn, do small repairs, wash the dishes, cook the meals, do the laundry, pick up the kids, etc... Trust me, it matters.
Share your dreams. In my Christian worldview, I firmly believe that God has a plan for each of us, and therefore a plan for each couple. God implants visions and dreams in our hearts as we follow Him. Why did God bring you together as a couple? How can you help one another to be the people that God called you to be? Where do you envision yourselves in 5, 10, 20 years? Are your dreams compatible?
Build on a solid foundation. Many couples will invite God to the wedding but not the marriage. They want the church wedding with all the props but are more than happy to leave God behind to clean up the confetti. The problem is, marriage was God's idea and was only designed to work with Him in the middle. As we love God He enables us to love each other.
The picture painted for us in the New Testament is one that is often missed and misinterpreted. Jesus used the analogy of marriage when He talked about His supreme sacrifice. He loved the church, His Bride, so much that He willingly laid down His life for her redemption. Paul tells us in Ephesians that men ought to love their wives in this way. A deep emotional need in every woman is to be treasured in such a way. Wives are taught to respect their husbands. This is probably the greatest emotional need for men, to be believed in and to be respected .
As we love each other, we give each other what we need, and we create a healthy environment in which to raise children. The Bible teaches us that love is not a feeling, but a choice and an action. As a husband, I can choose to love even when I might not be feeling like it's getting me anywhere. When I consistently serve my wife and sincerely try to meet her needs it makes her want to do the same.
Most of the above lessons I've learned the hard way, after almost 29 years of marriage. Are there lousy marriages? Absolutely. And marriage isn't for everyone, but it is a very good thing. I believe in marriage and family because it is the glue that holds society together. It's all wrapped up in the very large concept of "home." Home may be a place, but it is primarily about the people, people you love and with whom you can build a life. I'm thankful that God has allowed me to experience the joys and the pain of family life; they have made me what I am.
What is your advice for a happy marriage?
I hope you love this video below as much as I do. Enjoy!
Have you ever wanted to resign from the human race? Have you been disappointed, hurt, betrayed just one time too many and said to yourself, "Enough is enough!?" Join the crowd.
I think we've all been there from time to time in our lives because, the truth is, relationships are hard. They're also very much worth it. This is not just my opinion, (even though I'm sure that's good enough for you). The facts back me up on this.
I've been reading a great book by John Ortberg called The Me I Want To Be. In that book he quotes some interesting factoids. Social researcher Robert Putnam is quoted as saying that "The single most common finding from a half-century's research on life satisfaction, not only from the U.S. but around the world, is that happiness is best predicted by the breadth and depth of one's social connections."
This confirms something that I've learned from observation, people who have good, healthy relationships are generally happier and even physically healthier than their lonely counterparts. The reality is that we need each other.
We can define success in many different ways, but researchers at The Journal of Happiness Studies(I'm not making this up) have found that one factor consistently separates quite happy people from less happy people. It's not money, health, security, attractiveness, IQ, or career success. As Ortberg says, "What distinguishes consistently happier people from less happy people is the presence of rich, deep, joy-producing, life-changing, meaningful relationships."
That being said, how are your relationships?
The sad truth is that most men will only have one or two close personal friends in their lifetime - if at all. Many men live their entire lives without having anyone with whom they can disclose their deepest hurts or greatest victories. Women, on the other hand, tend to be much more relational.
I think Henry David Thoreau had a most insightful moment when he said: "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them." The question is, does it have to be this way? I think not.
One of the growing observations in my ministry is this: God has called us to community. He came to redeem and to restore. Part of that restoration involves community. Jesus consistently called us to love one another, and to make loving relationships a priority in our lives. It begins with having a restored relationship with God, from whom we receive what we need to live in relationship. The New Testament is full of "one anothers." We're called to "bear one another's burdens," "forgive each other," "confess our faults one to another," and many more.
It is the moving from surface relationships to true connectedness that is the challenge. Ortberg is right when he says "Connectedness is not the same thing as knowing many people. People may have many contacts in many networks, but they may not have any friends."
There is a risk involved in this, of course. People are people, and they will let you down. But learning to forgive and try again is all a part of personal growth. The option is isolation - and that is not a good option.
There are some amazing facts out there in relation to the power of relationships. Ortberg states that "People who are socially disconnected are between two and five times more likely to die from any cause than those who have close ties to family, friends, and other relationships. People who have bad health habits like cigarette smoking, overeating, elevated blood pressure, and physical inactivity - but who still remain connected - live longer than people who have great health habits but are disconnected."
So how do we build those healthy relationships?
Look up. Start with God. All worthwhile change begins with God. If this relationship is broken, nothing else will work. When Jesus was asked what was the greatest commandment in the Law He immediately replied: “'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)
Look around. Find those "life-givers" who are around you. Who is it that encourages you? Who loves you and wants the best for you? Who is there for you even after you blow it? Strengthen these relationships.
Look within. Be honest with yourself. Many people have never been still long enough to look at their own lives, their dreams, their fears, their hurts, their passions. We are to deal with the baggage if we are to realize our potential. All of this is best done in community.
Look out. Once you have found what you need, look for someone else who is in need of community. There is no shortage of people who have been deprived of healthy meaningful relationships. You can be part of the solution - believe in somebody. As Emily Kimbrough said, "We all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand."
Let me end with a quote from Proverbs 18:1 (The Message): "Loners who care only for themselves spit on the common good."
A number of years ago I attended an auction where I successfully bid for a box of old books. When I got home I found among them a book called "The Sunday Reader at Home" from 1896. The book was a collection of short stories, poems and tales all designed to teach life lessons. As I began reading "The Book of Man" I immediately was drawn to the similarity.
William Bennett served as the Secretary of Education in the U.S. under Ronald Reagan and is a New York Times best-selling author. What I most like about Bennett is that he writes with a purpose. While I got this book from the publisher for free in return for a book review, I would have purchased it nonetheless. It is written in response to the crisis of manhood in our culture. As he quotes David Brooks as saying in his introduction: "One-fifth of all men in their prime working ages are not getting up and going to work."
Probably more telling are his own words: "There was once a common understanding in our society among men that there are standards of action and behavior to which men should hold themselves. Men, the code dictates, among other things, keep their word, whether in writing or not, men do not take advantage of women, men support their children, and men watch their language, especially around women and children. The code of men is fading."
This book is written to provide a tool with which to instill these positive values into the lives of their own children. I wish I had found this when my children were younger - it would have made my life so much easier. Many will find parts of this book challenging due to its content (some stories are ancient tales), but it's good to be stretched. The short readings are broken down into six different areas of life, and are aimed at calling out the very best in the masculine soul.
Part 1 is called Man in War. This is not to promote war or violence as an answer, but to recognize that there are times when a man needs to take a stand and risk his own welfare for the sake of those he loves. This includes the famous St. Crispin's Day Speech by Shakespeare, a poem by Wordsworth, a piece by Winston Churchill and profiles from modern-day men of honour.
Part 2 is titled Man at Work. It is designed to teach once again the value of hard work, which in large part has been lost in our culture. As Bennett quotes Roosevelt as saying, "Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing." This section opens with the story of a "proud sanitation worker" and ends with "Pensees" by Blaise Pascal. In between you'll find a tremendous variety of great readings.
Part 3 is called Man in Play, Sports, and Leisure. It is a call for men to recreate responsibly, moving away from the modern toys which tend to turn off both body and mind. It speaks of the pursuit of excellence in all that we do, beginning with the story of "Pistol" Pete Maravich, one of the NBA's all-time greats. There are sections from Tolstoy, Lincoln, and Francis Bacon as well as pieces by and about many more current personalities.
Part 4 is Man in the Polis. This refers to the need for men to take their part in the body politic, whether that means government service or simply being a responsible member of society. As Edmund Burke wrote, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." This chapter is aimed at preventing that eventuality. It includes interesting pieces like a speech given by David (Davey) Crockett before the U.S. House of Representatives. It also features pieces by luminaries like Kennedy, Chesterton, Reagan and Washington. Well worth the read.
Part 5 is about Man with Women and Children. The lessons in this section are sorely needed today as "men are missing from the lives of women and children today in increasing numbers." Men need to learn values of respect, devotion, loyalty and compassion, all of which are seen in these stories. The articles, whether by Yeats, Dickens or Thomas Jefferson, all seek to call out the best of man in support of their family. Add to this the modern profiles and we see how this can still be lived out today.
Part 6 concludes the book with Man in Prayer and Reflection. Bennett states that "the true root of a man's existence is his ability to think and reflect." Part of the problem in our modern culture is that many seem to have lost the capacity or the will to do this. The result is many men who are governed by appetite rather than reason. This section includes glimpses into the spiritual lives of many of the greatest men in world history, including many of the U.S. Presidents and church leaders like Billy Graham and Charles Spurgeon.
This book is not one that you just sit down and read. It is designed to be read, one story at a time, when there is time for reflection and conversation between father and son. As I said earlier, I wish this was available when my children were younger. I highly recommend this for all of you fathers out there.
Tomorrow afternoon I get to perform the marriage ceremony for my niece and her fiance. I do a few weddings a year, and every time I do I am acutely aware that there is a lot of disagreement about the very institution of marriage. I've met - and heard - a lot of people who have a very dim view indeed of matrimony.
There are varying reasons for this, some valid, some not so much. The rise in feminism and the resulting cries for sexual "liberation" from marriage resulted, at least for a time, in a great many young women rejecting marriage altogether. This cry for freedom came as the result of the historic patriarchal nature of marriage.
Another obvious reason is the dysfunction of many marriages. When children grow up seeing their parents constantly fighting and maybe even divorcing, their logical conclusion is that all marriage is like this, so why bother? One reason that's not spoken of often is the increase in sexual promiscuity. In other eras, men married in order to have sex; that is no longer necessary, and men are quite happy to take advantage of the situation. This change in behaviour has resulted in the rapid growth of co-habitation, a couple living together with no formal commitment. In today's social climate it is very rare to see a couple come to the marriage altar with their virginity.
The main question coming out of the changes we've seen is this: are we better off now that marriage has fallen out of favour? I, for one, would respond forcefully in the negative. Here are some of the reasons why:
We are not happier! According to a recent study, "researchers have concluded that although (Westerners) are rich compared with most other countries, many suffer from an emotional poverty caused by consumerism and the breakdown of family life. 'We are being seduced by an economic juggernaut and our personal needs are not being met,' said Nic Marks, a social sciences researcher at Surrey University who also worked on the report."
Non-traditional arrangements are less stable than marriages. (See article.) "A recent General Social Survey performed by Statistics Canada reported that in Canada, couples who choose a common-law relationship as their first conjugal union have a greater probability of this first union ending in separation, regardless of whether the common-law partners eventually married... Common-law unions are generally less stable than marriages: more than 60% of people who choose common-law unions as their first conjugal relationship are expected to separate."
Children are generally safer and happier when raised in a married home with both mother and father. (See study.) This is a particularly important issue because it points to what I believe is one of the underlying reasons that many have rejected marriage - selfishness.
We live in a culture that is incredibly narcissistic, and we've been convinced somehow that life revolves around us. This has resulted in the breakdown of community and a growing isolation. People who live like this see others as simply a means to their own happiness, but, as studies show, it's not working. We're not happier as a culture, that's why anti-depressant meds are a multi-billion dollar industry.
Here's what I've learned about happiness: it is not an end in itself, but is the product of consistently doing the right thing. It is not met by external things, but is realized by an inner fulfilment, a realization of a greater purpose.
All that being said, finding happiness in marriage is not an easy thing, it is difficult, as with almost anything worthwhile. I believe that part of the reason for the high failure rate in marriage is completely unrealistic expectations. As Sidney Harris writes: "Almost no-one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity, yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage."
Marriage is first a covenant, then it is a commitment. This was how God, who created us for each other, designed marriage. Counselor Gary Chapman tells us that "Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche." We need each other, and we need to know that we can rely on each other. So God made marriage to last for a lifetime. One man, one woman, until death.
The challenge in marriage is working out the commitment. It's putting the same energy into preserving the relationship as we did in its establishment. I heard a wonderful lady say something in a talk years ago that has always stuck with me. She said that there may not always be red-hot passion in a marriage, but there should always be red-hot commitment. So how does this work? What are the keys? As someone who's done his share of pre-marital counseling over the years, here are some of the keys that I've learned.
Get pre-marital counseling before marriage. It's amazing how many people don't feel like this is necessary. They would agree that deciding to marry is likely one of the most life-changing points in their lives yet not feel it is necessary to prepare. When faced with this mentality I usually ask if they have a driver's license. If so, did they study for the test? Is marriage more or less important than a driver's license. That's usually the end of the conversation.
Deal with your personal baggage. Everyone carries emotional baggage. There are incidents and issues in our lives that we carry with us that can affect our relationships. They're easily overlooked when a couple is dating and each is trying to put their best foot forward. But unresolved issues, like low self-esteem, an abusive background, anger issues, etc., will almost certainly jump up and bite you in the relationship later. Deal with them beforehand, and be honest. If your relationship can't handle the pressure of premarital counseling, you are not ready to marry!
Learn how to communicate effectively. In many surveys, the number one complaint of wives is that their husband will not communicate. In my experience, it's often because they don't really know how. Communication is complicated, and men and women obviously think very differently. We need to understand that communication is "a meeting of meanings" and not a battle we must win. We need to learn how to lay down our weapons of self-defense and get to know what makes our spouse tick. For a message on this, go here.
Be sure you're on the same page. This speaks to the question of worldview. I've had couples come to me, one an atheist and one a Christian, who wanted to be married. They didn't see that this was a problem. So I began to ask questions like, are you planning children? Will you raise the children in church or not? The more we talked, the more the potential problems became apparent, and the wedding was soon cancelled, and that was a good thing. For an article on worldview, go here.
Get a handle on your finances. Disagreement here is one of the top reasons for marriage breakup. Even if you think you've got it all together, I highly recommend that every couple take a course such as Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University." You'll be thankful later. Every married couple, like it or not, become financial partners in a new enterprise.
Talk about roles. Many marriages fail because of unmet expectations. Just because your mother was a stay-at-home Mom and loved it, doesn't mean your bride-to-be will be the same. Talk about division of labour. Who will clean the house, mow the lawn, do small repairs, wash the dishes, cook the meals, do the laundry, pick up the kids, etc... Trust me, it matters.
Share your dreams. In my Christian worldview, I firmly believe that God has a plan for each of us, and therefore a plan for each couple. God implants visions and dreams in our hearts as we follow Him. Why did God bring you together as a couple? How can you help one another to be the people that God called you to be? Where do you envision yourselves in 5, 10, 20 years? Are your dreams compatible?
Build on a solid foundation. Many couples will invite God to the wedding but not the marriage. They want the church wedding with all the props but are more than happy to leave God behind to clean up the confetti. The problem is, marriage was God's idea and was only designed to work with Him in the middle. As we love God He enables us to love each other.
The picture painted for us in the New Testament is one that is often missed and misinterpreted. Jesus used the analogy of marriage when He talked about His supreme sacrifice. He loved the church, His Bride, so much that He willingly laid down His life for her redemption. Paul tells us in Ephesians that men ought to love their wives in this way. A deep emotional need in every woman is to be treasured in such a way. Wives are taught to respect their husbands. This is probably the greatest emotional need for men, to be believed in and to be respected .
As we love each other, we give each other what we need, and we create a healthy environment in which to raise children. The Bible teaches us that love is not a feeling, but a choice and an action. As a husband, I can choose to love even when I might not be feeling like it's getting me anywhere. When I consistently serve my wife and sincerely try to meet her needs it makes her want to do the same.
Most of the above lessons I've learned the hard way, after almost 29 years of marriage. Are there lousy marriages? Absolutely. And marriage isn't for everyone, but it is a very good thing. I believe in marriage and family because it is the glue that holds society together. It's all wrapped up in the very large concept of "home." Home may be a place, but it is primarily about the people, people you love and with whom you can build a life. I'm thankful that God has allowed me to experience the joys and the pain of family life; they have made me what I am.
I hope you love this video below as much as I do. Enjoy!
My son, Levi, got married this past Saturday. I remember Amanda, the girl he married, as a little six year old dynamo with attitude. She's now a beautiful young lady, and she's stolen his heart.
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