I'm a Grandfather!

Yesterday my first grandchild was born – Luke Wesley denBok. He came into the world amid a flurry of activity and mixed emotions, as life’s complications threatened to deprive us of the sheer joy of the moment. But into this world he came, ready or not.

His birth, to me, was like a microcosm of life. There were risks involved, the mid-wife was concerned for his well-being and a Caesarean Section was considered. Family members were all dealing with their own lives and problems, while trying to play their part and support the new Mom and Dad and baby. This new little one is absolutely an intrusion, but such a welcome one.

He entered the world and was immediately surrounded by people who love him – first his Mom; then Dad; then Mom’s family; then Dad’s family. And on it goes in expanding concentric circles. It is as it should be. Sharing the joy of a new life is good for the soul.

Upon reflection, what strikes me is the importance of each individual. I mean, we are all part of the “human race,” but that is such an impersonal thing. The Psalmist writes of God: “You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” This is true of every individual. Each human being is precious to God; created on purpose and by design.

As such we are all worthy of dignity, each endowed by our Creator with an innate worth. We know that intuitively (or should) when a child is born, but I think we forget that sometimes when people get a little older. We see the extreme value that each of us has in the willingness of Christ to sacrifice His own life for our sake. “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (1 John 4:10)

So, everyone is someone for whom Christ died. The child born in a mud hut in Africa has every bit as much value as my grandson born in a modern hospital. The prostitute working a street corner in Los Angeles is loved by God just as much as the deacon in the three piece suit at First Church on Sunday.

I’m reminded of Jesus’ response when asked: what was the greatest command? He replied, in short, that we are to love God and love people. He also said that if we have done it (visited, clothed, fed, etc...) unto the least of these we’ve done it to Him. In other words, our love for God will be reflected in our love for people.

I read a good example of this in Bill Hybels’ book, “Who You Are When No One’s Looking.” He said that he “read of a doctor who spends his Wednesday afternoons hanging out with a dozen homeless people. He talks with them and laughs with them and gives them medical treatment when they need it. One week, one of the homeless men missed the Wednesday meeting because he could barely walk. So the wealthy, well-trained suburban doctor went to find the guy; he sat him down and gently pried off the homeless man’s shoes and socks. What he found underneath were feet badly bruised, blistered and infected. There, in a public place, the doctor sat down on the floor, bathed the man’s sore feet, dressed the wounds and prayed for the man’s comfort.”

I would like to be like that. I’m afraid I have a long way to go. My grandson is one day old, and already I’d do anything for him. I feel the same about all of my family. But everybody is somebody for whom Christ died. Everyone is worthy of love and dignity. I’m trying to develop a heart for others; to learn to love ordinary people the way that God loves me. After all, as someone said, the entire world, with one trifling exception, consists of others. People matter, all of them, large and small. 

Perhaps I'll get there. I hope so. The world would be a better place if more people loved like that. In the meantime, I'm thankful for a special gift from God. Welcome to the world, Luke Wesley denBok, God has big plans for you.  

In The Know – How Are Teens Affected by the College Application Season?

This is a guest post by Jeannie Burlowski, a U.S. based speaker, consultant, and writer on the subject of brilliance in college and college, graduate, and medical school admissions. She is the primary instructor for “Brilliant in College” Seminars and Conferences – used by pastors, high schools, and colleges to equip both parents and students for academic success and decisive spiritual power during the college years (online at http://www.bebrilliantincollege.com/).

She is also the author of the book 6 Things You Absolutely Must Do to be Brilliant in College (due out in 2012).
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Have you ever tried to stand up in a canoe?

You’re about to launch out into an exciting adventure, and you’re eager to go, but first you have to walk the length of the canoe to get to your seat.

You feel unstable, insecure, and out of balance, like anything you might do could capsize you.

Take that feeling and stretch it out over about four years, and you have some sense of what teens feel from the time they’re 16 until they’re about 20.

It’s called “launch anxiety.”

Experts on teen development call it launch anxiety, and it’s something parents experience too. Imagine a teen and her parents, all standing up in the same canoe, all trying to get balance and footing in this strange new season of life.

Now you have some sense of why life in a home with teens can seem chaotic and out of control.

What do parents and teens grab for, as they try to gain stability?

It times of change, uncertainty, and instability, human beings naturally – instinctively -- grab for something steady and stable to hold onto.

In best case scenarios both parents and teens, separately, intensify and further develop their focus on a steady, unchanging God through a real and relevant relationship with Jesus Christ.

In the words of author Leanne Payne, they “stand up straight into God.” Parents in this posture view their teens as having purpose, a “calling” on their lives – whether ministerial or not. They see their teens as possessing specific gifts from God that will enable and bring excellence to their life’s work. For families in this posture, college (or other post-secondary training or education) makes sense in that it develops the gifts God has specifically given this teen. It’s a means to an end, not an idol to be bowed to.

This is the best-case scenario. In many families, though, reality looks quite different.

Grabbing for what cannot provide stability

Sometimes, even committed Christian parents and teens are tempted to leave off “standing up straight into God” in the crush of the pre-college years.

The tug is insidious and ever present - to bend down, to bow toward the earth and all it provides, to try in vain to “get life” and security and stability from things such as enormous numbers of extracurricular activities, prestigious college admissions, or plans for medicine or aerospace engineering.

“Surely these things are the key to a good life, right?” parents ask each other hesitantly. “There’s nothing wrong with a focus on education… is there?”

When there’s excessive focus, that is a problem.

When the pursuit of the next step in education becomes an idol to be bowed to and worshipped, teens report feeling suffocated and exhausted, and pressured almost beyond their ability to bear it. It’s in situations like these that teens sometimes begin to turn to unhealthy behaviors, in an effort to cope - in an effort to escape.

One teen girl put it this way: “Some people say that figuring out the college stuff is like building a bicycle while riding it, but IT’S NOT. It’s like building a 747 jumbo jet while flying it! You better believe it’s scary.”

I’m a parent. Are there practical things can I do to counteract this?

• Frankly look at whether you might be bent toward the earth, “getting life” from your own education, career, or earning potential. If you are, begin to “stand up straight into God” where your own career and earning potential are concerned.
• At the dinner table or while riding in the car, let your teen know about problems or obstacles you are facing at work. Let him or her know that you are actively praying about these things and listening for God’s response, because God helps people to find ingenious solutions to problems at work.
• Consistently see your work as part of a much bigger picture, and let your teen hear you praying for God’s presence and blessing in that bigger picture.
• Hard as it is in our culture, keep your own work within boundaries, with time carefully set aside for play, rest, worship, and connecting with others. Each time you make this choice, you are communicating to your teen that work is not to be worshipped.
• Seek out and learn a new skill that will help you to be better at your work. Communicate to your teen that you’re excited about the opportunity -- because you’re not just working for a paycheck; your daily secular work is an act of worship to God, and you want to do it as well and as beautifully as possible.
• In age appropriate family meetings, pray together and thank God for your income. Tell God together of your desire to manage your income wisely. Make giving decisions as a family, and then lay the offering check in the middle of the table and pray this prayer: “God, we’re giving this because our family wants to be a part of what you are doing on this earth.” Who could resist the invitation to be a part of something as beautiful as that?

Related Articles:
Life As A Teenager
Don't Push Me!
Thoughts on Fatherhood

5 Stories You Likely Haven't Heard About

1. David Suzuki and Charitable Tax Status

During the last Federal election a number of outspoken critics of the moral stance taken by the Liberal Party of Canada received calls from Revenue Canada bureaucrats. At least one, Bishop Fred Henry, was warned that his organization could lose its charity tax status if he continued to criticize the government's stance on issues such as "same-sex marriage," abortion and divorce. Henry was critical of any and all politicians who took opposing views. He was reminded that the charities act requires that he abstain from partisan political activism.

Suzuki, Canada's leading voice for environmentalism, has been traveling the country, speaking at schools and other functions. In a Calgary school he attacked the Federal Conservatives in front of an assembly of sixth-graders, admitting he was directing his comments more to the adults in the room. The question is whether it's okay for the left to participate in partisan politics while keeping their charity status, or if they will be held to the same standard as Christian organizations. We'll let you know if Revenue Canada takes any action. Follow this link to read the original story.

2. Founder of Lesbian Magazine Goes Straight and Becomes a Christian.

This story is the height of political incorrectness and flies in the face of everything we hear about in the press. I've been told on numerous occasions that gays and lesbians are born that way and that it's genetic, etc... The evidence for that is still forthcoming, by the way.

Now we hear of Charlene Cothran, founder and editor of VENUS magazine, not only "coming out," but inviting others to join her. It's created a firestorm of criticism around her from the usual suspects, but you need to read the story for yourself. She wrote an article in her own magazine about her experience.

3. German Authorities Take Child Away From Parents Because of Homeschooling.

This story is another bizarre one, I first talked about it a few months ago. It's hard to believe, but homeschooling is illegal in Germany, under a law enacted by none other than Hitler himself. The law was designed to enable the Nazis to indoctrinate children into their way of thinking. For some reason it is still on the books, and has been used to remove 15 year old Melissa Busekros from her home and place her in an undisclosed location. Her siblings may face the same fate.

An organization named "Parents of the World" has launched a boycott of German companies to try to bring pressure on the local government to reverse its decision. It raises the whole question of parental vs. state authority. Check out the article by Gudrun Schultz on the subject.

4. Former ACLU Leader Arrested On Child Porn Charges

I include this for purposes of fairness. We all heard ad nauseum of the events surrounding Ted Haggard's fall from grace. It was featured repeatedly on all of the major networks, newspapers and news websites for weeks and became the subject of many a comedian's routine. He came under special criticism because of the hypocrisy of heading a Christian organization espousing morality while leading a private life that opposed it.

Charles Rust-Tierney, 51, the former president of the Virginia chapter of the ACLU, was arrested late last week by federal authorities and charged with receipt and possession of child pornography in violation of federal law. He has previously lobbied against internet filtering of web sites in public libraries and pushed for "maximum, unrestricted access to the valuable resources of the Internet." Easy access to pornography is fast becoming one of the greatest social problems families face. Read the full story here.

5. Iraqi Christians - Does Anybody Care?

The Christian community in Iraq is one of the oldest anywhere in the world. They have survived generations of persecution and somehow learned to survive in an often hostile environment. Now there is a war in Iraq, largely fueled by the animosity between Sunni and Shi'ite Muslims. What both groups can agree on, though, is that Christians are a common enemy.

How bad is it? The latest figures from the UN estimate that around 3.7 million Iraqis - 1 in 8 - have been forced out of their homes by the violence since 2003. Christians, who made up only 3-4% of the population of Iraq, account for nearly a quarter of the refugee population. The number of Christians left in Iraq has fallen from 1.4 million in the 1980s to less than 500,000 now. Those who stay often face violence and/or death. An e-petition has been launched in the U.K. to help protect the rights of Iraqi Christians. For more of the story click here.

Let me know if you found this helpful - I might make hard-to-find news stories a regular feature.

Surprise! Hollywood Influences Children.

I know that some of you are shocked by this, but a recent study has confirmed what many have been saying all along, graphic movies have a negative impact on our children. According to an article in the Washington Post and re-run in the Toronto Star, there was a substantial difference in risky behavior between 9-12 year-olds whose parents allowed them to watch 'R' rated movies and those who didn't.

Remember that in Canada the ratings system is quite different, so many movies rated 'R' stateside are actually '14A' here or even 'PG13.' According to the study done by researchers at Dartmouth Medical School, children with permissive parents were 40% more likely to consider using cigarettes or alcohol than their more restricted peers.

This simply confirms what many parents have already assumed to be fact - GIGO "Garbage In, Garbage Out." There have been voices speaking up for years but they have largely been ignored by the mainstream media or dismissed as crackpots. Movie critic Michael Medved has been an especially articulate spokesman in favor of some self-control from Hollywood (don't hold your breath). A couple of books have spoken specifically to this issue, incuding: "Hollywood vs. America: Popular Culture and the War on Traditional Values" and one he co-authored with his psychologist wife: "Saving Childhood: Protecting Our Children from the National Assault on Innocence."

We live in a complicated age. Technology has enabled us to have instant access to news and entertainment from anywhere in the world to wherever we happen to be. This new freedom is not necessarily a good thing if we haven't learned how to discern. This is particularly important for the age group mentioned in this study. We've focused a lot in our society on the unhealthy diets which our fast-food culture has inflicted on our kids, but what about the junk food for the brain that passes for entertainment. Regarding the morality of the movie and music industry the question seems to be "how low can you go?"

I guess the good news coming out of this study is that parents who took an active role in the viewing choices of their children were actually able to make a difference. Don't give up on being parents. Your kids may fight you, your friends may criticize you, liberal media may mock you, but your kids need you. Hang in there!

Thoughts on Fatherhood

This week marked the anniversary of my father's death. It was Thanksgiving weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving) in 1994. I remember that none of us kids (there are six of us) had made plans for a large family gathering. All of us had our own families to deal with. But, surprisingly, my Dad took it on himself to set something up. He told us that he was taking care of the meal, just be there. So, Thanksgiving dinner was Kentucky Fried Chicken. As usual, there was a lot of fun around the family table, with more than twenty of us cracking jokes and remembering years past. Also as usual, Dad went in and fell asleep in his chair.

Later that night I got a call that Dad had been taken into hospital with abdominal pains. By the time he had been diagnosed and transferred to Toronto for surgery by air ambulance, his heart had been weakened too much to pull through. He died of an aortic aneurysm at only 62.

I remember the ache I felt when I realized that he was gone and I never got a chance to say goodbye. As they were loading him in the air ambulance, I didn't want to think that he might not make it and I just told him to "hold on." I'd love to have that moment back. I'd like to be able to tell him what he meant to me and how much of a difference it made knowing that I had a father who loved me and was there for me.

My father was an immigrant from Holland who grew up there during the Nazi occupation of World War II. The things he experienced left an impact on him, but he didn't often speak of it. He had to grow up too fast, being the oldest child in a large family. His father loved him, but didn't verbalize it, and neither did he. I really don't think he knew how to say what was in his heart, as much as he wanted to.

I did watch him with his grand-children, though. It was almost like he had another shot at it, and he regularly told them how much he loved them. I was envious. Looking back now, as I'm a little older and hopefully smarter, I think I can understand him better. And I still miss him a great deal.

Last night I was watching a rerun of "8 Simple Rules." It was the episode after John Ritter, the actor who played the father, had passed away suddenly. You could tell that there wasn't much acting involved as the cast was still grieving themselves. I was shocked at the raw emotion I felt and how I was immediately brought back in my mind to that day twelve years ago when it was me grieving. And I was grieving all over again.

It made me realize just how important our fathers are to us. Many have grown up in homes without fathers, but it still doesn't diminish their importance, it simply leaves a void. So many of the wounds of people whom I encounter stem from a broken or poor relationship with their father.

I know that I feel the weight of this responsibility in trying to raise my own three sons. I want to do all of those things that good fathers should do, and yet I'm rarely sure of what, exactly, that means. When a group of men at a father's seminar were asked to write a one-sentence description of their feeling as fathers, one of them put it this way: "I feel like a dachsund dog running in deep snow."

I think I know that feeling; yet the struggle is worth it. I know my boys need me, and they need me to be the very best that I can be, because every boy wants to be proud of his dad. So when I don't know what to do, I'll ask somebody who does. When I'm faced with something too big for me, I'll pray that God will help me. I want to do my best because I know there's a lot at stake.

Let me close with a story. During the winter of 1993, workers at the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, Ohio, made a discovery. While renovating part of the building, they found a picture that had been hidden in a crevice under a display case. The man in the picture had a bat resting on his shoulder; he's wearing a uniform with the words "Sinclair Oil" printed across his chest; he looks gentle and friendly.

Stapled to the picture is a note, scribbled in pen. It said: "You were never too tired to play ball. On your days off, you helped build the Little League Field. You always came to watch me play. You were a Hall of Fame Dad. I wish I could share this moment with you. Your Son, Pete." Nice. I miss you, Dad.