Don't Push Me!

I read a very disturbing story this morning of an 11 year old boy who committed suicide after being bullied. I'll let you read the article yourself rather than regurgitate it all here. But the story raises, once again, the subject of bullying and what can be done.

I was one of the lucky ones. Though I was a smaller kid, and did get beat up once in high school, I was blessed with friends who were bigger than I was and I was somewhat athletic. I tended to hang around with those people because it was not good to be a loner in school.

I remember seeing different kids in my neighborhood get picked on because they couldn't fight back. They would have their books knocked out of their hands, or have snow balls thrown at them or be forced to endure demeaning taunting. I'd like to say that I stood up to the bullies and forced them to change their ways through my powers of persuasion, but the truth is, I usually tried to avoid the situation, even feeling relieved that it wasn't me.

I remember the fear that I felt when I would turn a corner and see those bullies, not knowing if I would be their next target. I cannot imagine what it was like for those for whom this was a daily occurrence. I have had family members and friends bullied and I've seen the pain and even shame in their eyes. It's a very helpless feeling and it's so hard to know what to do.

Looking back from adulthood I think I can see with a lot more clarity some of the reasons that people bully. The bullies I knew usually had horrible self-esteem issues themselves. They came from homes where they were neglected and often abused. I'm not looking to excuse this behavior, but rather to see some of the reasons behind it.

We're all social creatures. We were created for community, and much of our lives are spent trying to find our place within society. It's human nature to want to belong, and all of us know what it's like to walk into a room and immediately begin to scope the crowd for where we might feel welcome - and conversely, where we're pretty sure we won't be. Even as an adult, there are times when I've walked into settings and got that horrible, sinking feeling that I did not "belong."

One easy way for kids to move up in the social order is to pull others down - make someone else the target so that we are not targeted ourselves -almost a pre-emptive strike, if you like. It doesn't only happen with individuals, but with people groups as well. Look at the history of immigration in this country for an example. At different times in our nation's history derogatory terms were hurled at the Irish, the Chinese, Ethiopians, Pakistanis, Arabs, and many others. There is a stigma attached to not fitting in. This has been the case throughout human history.

All of this makes the words and actions of Jesus remarkable. If you want to see an effective pattern for inclusivity, look at what Jesus modelled. In a culture with clearly divided lines of status, Jesus broke all kinds of cultural barriers. At a time when children and women were considered second-class citizens, Jesus gave priority and validity to both. He also declared that, for anyone who wanted to be a part of what he was doing, they needed to accept people the same way. (Luke 18:15-17)

In another story we see Jesus reaching out across cultures and social boundaries. In a time when respectable Jews would not travel through Samaria because the people there were seen to be unclean half-breeds, Jesus purposefully travelled through. He stopped at a well and sent his disciples into town to find lunch (and probably to keep them from getting in his way). A woman came to get water. She came at a time when she knew the other women wouldn't be there. Her reputation wasn't the best and she likely wasn't up to hearing the gossip and put-downs. Jesus, knowing her reputation and knowing her Samaritan roots, engaged her in a conversation anyway (John 4). She became the first Samaritan evangelist, immediately calling all of her fellow villagers to come and see this extra-ordinary man.

The church which Jesus began has a call to be just such an inclusive community, and it is to our shame that we haven't always lived up to the high standard set for us. The Apostle Paul, writing in Galatians 3:28, said "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." No matter who you are, no matter where you've been or what you've done, the message of the Gospel is that you can find a home and family in the church. I've seen it happen and it's a beautiful thing.

It is this kind of acceptance that needs to be modeled in our schools and elsewhere. We are all valuable because we are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). We can love one another because he first loved us (1 John 4:19). Because we are secure in our identity as God's children, we do not feel the compulsion to drag others down, but instead we can build one another up (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

This is the kind of community we strive to build with church. We all need to feel like we belong because God made us for community. What are you doing to build community? When was the last time you reached out to someone who was not in your circle? Chances are, most people you meet are facing a challenge of some sort or another. Do your best to greet them with a smile and an open heart. You never know, you may be saving a life.

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Planned Parenthood Aids Pimp's Underage Sex Ring

Here's a shocker. Watch how an undercover couple reveals how Planned Parenthood aids and abets the sex trafficking of minors.

The Faith Of A Child

I came across this recording of a phone call a 13 year old boy made to a Christian radio station in the American mid-west. I was reminded of what Jesus said. He stated in Matthew 18:3-4: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

We live in a cynical world - but faith is possible. I hate that it seems to be the goal of some people to destroy the innocence of our most vulnerable. Why do children have to be exposed to sex, violence and immorality at earlier and earlier ages? Why are parents ridiculed who try to protect their children from that? Why is "family hour" on TV becoming more and more sexualized?

Anyway, this young guy's phone call is a powerful reminder to raise our children to have a relationship with God. I don't know who his parents are, but someone has done a good job teaching this young man that there's a God who loves Him. Listen to the audio and you'll find out what I'm talking about.

The Golden Compass

Every once in a while I point you to a blog that I found interesting. This one is especially for parents of young children. The blockbuster children's movie - "The Golden Compass" is due to be released for the Christmas season. What many don't realize is that the books on which this potential three-part series is based are very heavily anti-God. Read this blog and let me know what you think.

Faith-based Schools and Government Dollars

I decided to weigh in on this debate since it seems to be getting so much media play time during this Ontario election campaign. For those of you still unaware, John Tory, the Ontario Conservative leader has promised that, if elected, he will extend full funding to all faith-based groups. Currently, that benefit is enjoyed only by the Catholics.

I'm of two minds on this. I have three boys and we've used different approaches to educating them. We've done homeschooling, Christian school and the public school system. Each of them has its own strengths and weaknesses. Different children would benefit more from one than another.

My biggest issue with most media commentary on this issue is the lack of fairness and the hysterical reaction to faith-based schooling. Dalton McGuinty has raised fears that full funding will lead to a ghettoizing of Ontario, leaving children unable to function in a multi-cultural environment. Of course, he is a product of the fully funded Catholic system and his family actively participates as well. His position is hypocritical in the extreme. Other provinces have demonstrated that the social fabric can withstand extending funding to others. It appears that the knee-jerk reaction of many is to cast this as a public vs. private school war which must be won at all costs. Both can obviously survive and probably be the better for the process.

At the heart of this issue is fairness. Why should the Catholics have full funding and not other religious groups? Even the United Nations has ruled this discriminatory and prejudicial. Parents who choose to have their children in a non-Catholic faith-based school must currently pay above and beyond their taxes to do so.

In my opinion a better option is the school charter system for all schools. Bring a healthy dose of competition into the educational system. Under this model, each parent receives a voucher for each school-aged student. That voucher can be used to purchase enrollment at any school. This allows for schools to specialize while maintaining a core curriculum. It would allow for gifted students to flourish while ensuring that no student gets left behind.

At the very least, parents of students in faith-based private schools ought to have a tax deuction equivalent to their fair share of the education tax in order to offset the tuition they pay out of pocket. But regardless, let's end this fear-mongering that the sky is going to fall if we simply level the playing field for all students.

Surprise! Hollywood Influences Children.

I know that some of you are shocked by this, but a recent study has confirmed what many have been saying all along, graphic movies have a negative impact on our children. According to an article in the Washington Post and re-run in the Toronto Star, there was a substantial difference in risky behavior between 9-12 year-olds whose parents allowed them to watch 'R' rated movies and those who didn't.

Remember that in Canada the ratings system is quite different, so many movies rated 'R' stateside are actually '14A' here or even 'PG13.' According to the study done by researchers at Dartmouth Medical School, children with permissive parents were 40% more likely to consider using cigarettes or alcohol than their more restricted peers.

This simply confirms what many parents have already assumed to be fact - GIGO "Garbage In, Garbage Out." There have been voices speaking up for years but they have largely been ignored by the mainstream media or dismissed as crackpots. Movie critic Michael Medved has been an especially articulate spokesman in favor of some self-control from Hollywood (don't hold your breath). A couple of books have spoken specifically to this issue, incuding: "Hollywood vs. America: Popular Culture and the War on Traditional Values" and one he co-authored with his psychologist wife: "Saving Childhood: Protecting Our Children from the National Assault on Innocence."

We live in a complicated age. Technology has enabled us to have instant access to news and entertainment from anywhere in the world to wherever we happen to be. This new freedom is not necessarily a good thing if we haven't learned how to discern. This is particularly important for the age group mentioned in this study. We've focused a lot in our society on the unhealthy diets which our fast-food culture has inflicted on our kids, but what about the junk food for the brain that passes for entertainment. Regarding the morality of the movie and music industry the question seems to be "how low can you go?"

I guess the good news coming out of this study is that parents who took an active role in the viewing choices of their children were actually able to make a difference. Don't give up on being parents. Your kids may fight you, your friends may criticize you, liberal media may mock you, but your kids need you. Hang in there!