Are You a People Person?

Relationships are difficult.

This probably didn't need to be said, but I'll say it anyway. Each of us could, no doubt, share horror stories of relationships gone wrong. If we could somehow see the emotional scars of the people just in this room we would be shocked. I did a google search on the subject of “relationship horror stories” and found, believe it or not, 23,400,000 responses. Wow! That’s a big number. It’s no wonder that a lot of people have just sworn off relationships all together – but that’s not realistic either, is it?

We’re not meant to be alone. Whether it’s family or friends we need community to help us to reach our potential. So why are relationships so hard? Relationships are hard partly because we’re all people, and, as I've heard my mother-in-law say many times: "people are crazier than anybody."
 
Rick Warren came up with a list of different types of difficult people. See if you are related to any of these:

THE SHERMAN TANK - will run over you if you let him.

THE MEGAPHONE - will talk your ear off.

THE BUBBLE BUSTER - deflates everyone's enthusiasm.

THE VOLCANO - has a temper like Mt. St. Helens.

THE CRY BABY - is a chronic complainer.

THE NITPICKER - is the unpleasable perfectionist.

THE SPACE CADET - is on a completely different wavelength.

Each of us has our own story, and each of them is fascinating in their own right. The joys and sorrows, good
experiences and bad, disasters and highlights, lessons learned and mistakes repeated all go together to make
us what we are. Remember that each of us is deeply flawed, yet loved by God. So, we’re all in the same
boat. Everywhere we look there are imperfect people doing imperfect things –except us of course. What
does Jesus say “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up
the Law and the Prophets.” – Matthew 7:12

What does this look like? Let’s look at 5 ways that you want others to treat you.

• You want others to encourage you.

Everyone likes to be encouraged. Life can be difficult; it's a lot easier when you have someone in your corner. I haven't met anyone yet who doesn't want to be encouraged. Here are a few of the many "one anothers" of the New Testament. “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

"See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called 'Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” – Hebrews 3:12-13


“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day
approaching.” – Hebrews 10:24-25

• You want others to appreciate you.

Over and over again in the New Testament were faced with the command to love one another. This goes along with appreciation. Each of us brings something to the table. We’re all different for a reason. I actually think that some people are different partly to help the rest of us mature. : )

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” – Romans 12:10

G.B. Stern said that “Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.” Who is there in your life that you appreciate who may not know it or who may need to hear it? There's no point in waiting until they die. They won't be able to hear what you have to say then, so say it now.

• You want others to forgive you.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32


There is a power that is released when we forgive. It is a power that enables us to grow, but also frees up the recipient to move on. Offenses chain us to an event that occurred at a specific place in time, but forgiveness enables us to move confidently into the future. In church, forgiveness is at the core of any progress we make, because we are a family of the forgiven – all of us sinners saved by grace. So Jesus taught us to pray “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Forgiveness opens the prison door and we are surprised to find that the prisoner we've freed is ourself.

• You want others to listen to you.

Everyone wants to be heard, because everyone has something to say. The Bible tells us clearly that each and every one of us is valuable. This is a part of loving each other – learning how to listen.

You can’t love deeply from a distance. It's important to have a circle of friends on whom we can depend. We need others in our lives who know and understand our story. We need people who we can turn to, and who we can help, when life gets difficult. This is part of the purpose of church. We can bear one another’s burdens. “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2

One thing that I’ve learned over the years is that everyone has a story, and if we listen, we can learn from it.

• You want others to understand you.

One of the keys of communication that is taught in pre-marriage counselling is to seek first to understand; then to be understood. You see, we tend so often to judge people by their behaviours but we judge ourselves by our intentions. Why do people do what they do? Why are people so insecure? What are the events in the past that have led them to this place in their lives?

When I can begin to understand those things I gain a perspective on people that helps me to be more compassionate and caring. It’s not that they are excuses, but rather they are reasons that help me to understand.

We’re talking about community here. We’re talking about building healthy relationships. Those don’t just happen. In fact, in today’s world I would say that they are exceedingly rare. We live in a world of dysfunction, the age of “I” and “me.” But here’s what I know about people:

Everybody wants to be somebody.
Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.
Everybody needs somebody.
Everybody’s afraid of being hurt.
People aren’t the enemy.

The bottom line is that we need to take great care when we’re dealing with people – they’re complicated beings. Here are some deep thoughts to end on by C.S. Lewis' book The Weight of Glory:
"It is a serious thing, to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no 'ordinary' people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilisations -- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit -- immortal horrors or everlasting splendours..."

Go be nice to someone.

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Linsanity!

Here he goes again. Last week I wrote about Jeremy Lin, who is taking the NBA and the entire sports world by storm. At the time he had already accomplished what few others had at the beginning of their careers. He had led his team to four straight wins as the point guard of the New York Knicks, averaging over 27 points a game and dishing at least 7 assists per game.

I was actually hearing jaded sports announcers talking about "divine intervention" as the only thing they could think to account for his rise from oblivion to stardom in a week. Incredibly, the legend continues to grow. Since those four wins in a row, Jeremy has led his team to two more wins on the road, extending the Knick's unbeaten string to 6, and averaging 24 points and 9 assists. Last night's game was a little painful for me, as it came against the Raptors. I just keep reminding myself, "lottery pick, lottery pick..."

Watch this video of his clutch performance at the end of the game against Toronto, after Jose Calderon had dominated him earlier.



So, what is Jeremy's response to his stunning rise to fame? "I'm thinking about how I can trust God more," the 23-year-old New York Knicks guard told San Jose Mercury News. "How can I surrender more? How can I bring Him more glory?" It's not the typical bravado coming from an NBA star in the making. His quote on his twitter profile is simply "to know him is to want to know him more," speaking of his relationship with Jesus Christ.

Not so long ago Jeremy was discarded on the waiver wire and wondering what his future held for him. Rather than despair and self-destruct as so many have, Jeremy turned to God, drawing strength from prayer and his devotional life. "I've surrendered that to God. I'm not in a battle with what everybody else thinks anymore," Jeremy said recently.

This is one of the key areas where Tim Tebow (one of Lin's heroes), and Jeremy are alike. They are able to do their best and leave the rest to God. Win or lose, it seems, their most important priority, on and off the court, is to bring honour to God. They are both fiery competitors who want to win, but they want to do it while maintaining their integrity and without compromising their faith.

It's a refreshing change. One way or the other, Jeremy Lin is in the spotlight now. I pray that he handles it well, win or lose.

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Here is Love

As we celebrate this most romantic of holidays I think it's appropriate to take a good look at what love is and is not. I know that we've all grown enamored with the Hollywood version of love - that there's this one "perfect" person out there for all of us, and if we could just find them our life would work out great, and we would live "happily ever after."

The problem with that is that if we look for, and hold out for, that perfect person, they will never be found. No-one is perfect - and we certainly aren't. Each of us are flawed in our own way, but that is part of the charm and the challenge of love. Let's look at what love is, really, anyway.

The Biblical word for "love" as used in the marriage context is from the Greek "agapao" and speaks of, not merely affection or lustful attraction, but self-sacrifice. In the time when the New Testament was written, women in most cultures were viewed as property, and faithfulness was not a quality that was valued. So, when the Apostle Paul came out with the statement in Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." it was a radical challenge.  

It was a commitment to remain faithful to God's standard of marriage - one man, one woman for one lifetime. God tells us, through Paul, to love our wives as Christ loved the church - and willingly laid down His life for her. This pattern stands in stark contrast to the one we see around us, where love is often seen as conditional as long as our list of expectations is met. No, here we see that love is a choice and an action word. I might not feel like it every day, but I am called - every day - to love my wife, the one I covenanted with for life.

This does not rely on feelings, feelings pass. This actually is beyond my ability, something I freely admit. It is for this reason that the Bible doesn't teach that the marriage relationship is to be first in our lives. When Jesus was asked about priorities in Matthew's Gospel, He said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” 

So, God is to be first. None of us are whole without having the relationship with our Creator restored. It provides the basis for success in all of our other relationships - including marriage. That was the purpose of Jesus'ministry, life, death and resurrection - it was all about restoration. In His famous Parable of the Prodigal Son we see God portrayed as the loving father waiting to welcome His child home. That's a picture of God's love for each of us. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8). 

It is the security of this relationship we can have with our Creator that provides the foundation for us to love our wives unconditionally. It's not about some abstract philosophical truth, but a genuine relationship that we can have with God. We can bring to Him our questions, our burdens, failures and our concerns and find the strength, peace, grace and endurance to continue. So, I gladly say that my wife is Number 2 in my life! And I am her Number 2. Neither of us would have it any other way. Happy Valentine's Day!     

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The Power of Words

"I have a dream..." Martin Luther King, Jr. uttered those famous words in 1963. (Watch full speech here). I was one year old, and am now 49. Yet they resonate, and will continue to do so, because of the powerful thoughts that they represent. Words are powerful things, and they have the potential to turn men's hearts and to alter the course of nations. With this kind of power we ought to be careful how we use them.

Words aren't always used for good, sometimes they are used for manipulation. Witness the powerful imagery that Hitler conjured with his speeches about a "thousand year reich." The world shook for years as the nation of Germany united around a madman who was good with words.

As leaders, then, this is a subject that must be thoughtfully considered. The more influential the leader, and the more challenging the times, the greater import of the choice of words. Look again to World War II as an example. Most of mainland Europe lay completely under the boot of Hitler's Nazis, and he turned his murderous attention on England. The island nation was facing the full might of the powerful German airforce - the Luftwaffe. On numerous occasions over the next few years, Winston Churchill's voice and words rose to inspire a nation.

On June 4, 1940 he declared:

"We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France,
we shall fight on the seas and oceans,
we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air,

we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
we shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the hills;
we shall never surrender..."

(Read the whole speech here.)

On October 29, 1941 he famously uttered these words:

"Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy." (See more here.)

It is the power of words that can turn leaders into legends. Witness John F. Kennedy's stirring call to Americans at the time of his inauguration: "...ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country."

As a leader, I've witnessed that the power of words is critical, not just for the world-shaking occasions described above, but for the challenges that face your organization and mine. When difficult times come, what you choose to say (or not say) can result in a renewed vision and determination or a continued loss of momentum. How do you know what to say? Here are some keys that I think need to be remembered:

Have a sense of the times.
Those who follow you need to know that you have a sense of perspective. You don't have to mouth platitudes that "everything is going to be all right," but you do need to explain the situation. The last thing that people want is their leader "fudging figures" or trying to tiptoe around reality. People already have a sense when things aren't going well. The best way to deal with that is to acknowledge that and set a course of action to change it.

Be a "dealer in hope."
Napoleon famously stated that “A leader is a dealer in hope.” This is a true statement, even if we can question Napoleon's motives. The truth is that people need to be inspired, and without hope, people will quickly abandon the fight or the cause. They need to know why they ought to continue to pay the price, and it's a question which deserves an answer.  

Believe it before you say it.
No-one wants to follow a hypocrite, and nothing serves to destroy the heart of an organization more quickly than to find out that their commitment was being taken advantage of. If you do not believe in what you are doing  - get off the bus, call u-haul and leave town. Let another leader emerge who has the courage of their convictions. Sharp people are very quick to sniff out a fraud or a coward. On the other hand, people long to follow a leader who they can believe in. Witness my favorite scene from Braveheart:

Think before you speak.
This speaks of preparation and intentionality. When you understand that what you say could turn the fortunes of your organization or the future of your people you'd best take your time. Focus your mind on the key thought that you want to convey. Remarkably, Martin Luther King, Jr. rarely used a manuscript, but preached from an outline, having the key thoughts committed to memory. Listening to him you have a sense that he had spent a great deal of time pondering how to express the burden that was in his heart. This, I believe is a  real hallmark of great leaders: they embody their cause.

I sincerely believe that people are looking and longing for a cause that is bigger than themselves; something that is worth living for. They are looking for leaders that are able to articulate the vision in a way that they can understand. They want to know why they ought to sacrifice; why they ought to commit wholeheartedly to a cause. It is a large part of a leader's role to cast that vision with clarity - so choose your words wisely.

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Is Jeremy Lin the next Tim Tebow?

It hasn't been long since Tim Tebow of the Denver Broncos took the sports world by storm, becoming the most popular athlete in the world with a series of clutch performances and his public expressions of faith. Now, on the hardwood, we have Jeremy Lin, newly of the New York Knicks, rocking the NBA. 

Jeremy is a second year player out of Harvard University. He wasn't considered good enough to get a scholarship, but still became the first player in Ivy League history to record 1,450 points, 450 rebounds, 400 assists and 200 steals. He went undrafted but stunned scouts with his play in the summer league after being invited to play with the Dallas Mavericks summer squad. Lin was signed to a two-year contract with the Golden State Warriors before the 2010-11 season, but played sparingly, being sent to the development league three times. The day after the lockout ended he was waived by Golden State and available to everyone in the league.

Houston picked him up off waivers on Dec. 12 and then waived him on Dec. 24 to clear cap space for Samuel Dalembert. This led to him finally being picked up by the New York Knicks on December 27. He was sent down to the D-league in January, recalled after posting a triple double (double figures in points, assists and rebounds). He was recalled three days later. I don't think he'll be leaving anytime soon. Here's what he's done since getting regular minutes.

• February 4th vs. New Jersey: 35 Minutes - 7 Assists - 25 Points
• February 6th vs. Utah: 45 Minutes - 8 Assists - 28 Points
• February 8th vs. Washington: 35 Minutes - 10 Assists - 23 Points
• February 10th vs. Los Angeles Lakers: 38 Minutes - 7 Assists - 38 Points

One of NBA.com's announcers stated that "This is not just the story of the year, this is one of the greatest stories of the last ten years!" So what's the big deal?

Lin is playing at the most challenging position on the court - point guard. He is a rookie, having played only a handful of minutes over the past couple of years. He's also stepped into a Knick's lineup that is without stars Carmelo Anthony and Amare Stoudamire and has led them to four straight wins, putting them back into playoff contention when it looked as though the season was lost. His points totals in four straight games have rarely been done in the history of the NBA, remarkable particularly for  a player with his lack of experience.

With all of that being said, perhaps the most interesting story line is the faith of Jeremy Lin. He has stated that Tim Tebow is an inspiration for him. His candid statements are refreshing. He said about Tebow, “I actually want to be able to do some of the things that he does in terms of the amount of charity work and the non-profit work, and the way he impacts people off the field. I think that is what is most inspiring to me about him.”

He's been receiving media attention on a smaller scale for a while because of his heritage. His parents emigrated to the U.S. from Taiwan. Here's what he said about those earlier challenges. “When the media attention was starting to grow around me, I felt as though I had to play well just to please everyone else. It was a great burden, and it took the joy out of the game for me. See, the truth is that I can’t even play for myself. The right way to play is not for others and not for myself, but for God.”


“I still don't fully understand what that means; I struggle with these things every game, every day. I'm still learning to be selfless and submit myself to God and give the game up to Him. It's a challenge, but thankfully I'm learning more and more.”
 
His attitude is very similar to Tebow, which is a very refreshing change from the ego-centric prima donnas of the NBA. It will be intersting to see how he continues to handle the media circus now swirling like a tornado around him. Can he hold to his values? “Society focuses so much on individual stats and wins and losses. To a certain extent, you can control those things. But to play for God means to leave the records and the statistics up to Him and give your best effort and allow God to figure out whether you win or lose, whether you play or shoot the ball well that game. So I just try to make sure that I work hard and in a godly way. I prepare myself as well as I can, and at every point during the game I try to submit myself to God and let Him use me, and if we really understand the gospel, we will be humble. We should be humble, and understand that everything that is good comes from God.”
 
I, for one, am cheering for this kid (he's 23). It would be great to have a role model on the basketball court as good as Tebow has become on the football field. Here's a question: what does it say about what the public wants that the two most popular athletes in the world today are both devout Christians? Perhaps the world is looking (hoping) for good role models too.
 
Here are some of his highlights from the Feb. 10th Laker game.
 
 
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What Love Language Do You Speak?

We've all heard about the book "Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus." We're very different, and that's a good thing. However, the differences aren't simply male and female. Our personalities are also different, and the way that we "receive" love is different. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book a number of years ago called "The Five Love Languages" to explain this very reality. Understanding the differences between ourselves and others has saved many a home and helped many a family. It's a great book to have in your library.

So, what are the Five Love Languages? Here is the quick list.

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Here's a quick synopsis of each. I've included, at the end of this article, a link to a free on-line assessment where you can figure out your love language. This would be a great exercise and discussion starter for you and your husband or wife on Valentine's Day.

Words of Affirmation. The person who has this as their primary love language has the need to hear their loved one say "I love you," "I'm proud of you," and other encouraging words, without being asked. They also are devastated by hurtful words.

Quality Time. This type of person needs the undivided attention of their loved one. Tardiness, forgetfulness or distraction will make this person feel that they are unloved.

Receiving Gifts. This person is not so much into materialism as they are into thoughtfulness. They love the feeling that the person they cared about took the time and the energy to think of them, even if it was a small gift. Not remembering big occasions for this person can result in big relationship challenges.

Acts of Service. For this person, small things like helping with the dishes or cleaning up make a big difference. They value the idea that the other person cares enough to help in tangible ways. Laziness and not following through will lead to problems.

Physical Touch. This person needs physical contact, lots of hugs, touches and holding of hands. Neglecting this need results in pain and isolation.

The point of this lesson is this, we need to understand the love language of those we love in order to more effectively communicate to them. We can be speaking our love language and thinking that all is well, while our partner is wondering why we don't care. It happens all the time. Relationships are complicated. Understanding the five love languages will give you another tool in your relationship toolbox.

Since publishing the first book, Chapman has also written "The Five Love Languages of Children," and "The Five Love Languages of Teenagers" among others. All are helpful in understanding the ones you love. 

Please check out the free on-line assessment and ask your loved ones to do the same.


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Susan G. Komen vs. Planned Parenthood - Not a Fair Fight

If you follow the American political scene at all you will have become very familiar with a charity called Komen over the past few weeks. Komen first announced they were declaring Planned Parenthood ineligible for future grants. After coming under blistering attacks from Planned Parenthood and the popular press they reversed their decision and apologized. Since then, their Vice President Karen Handel, an evangelical Christian,  has resigned, declining a separation package in order to maintain her ability to speak publicly.

Susan G. Komen passed away in 1980 from breast cancer. While she was fighting the disease, she was also looking for ways to improve the lives of others who were in the same battle. After she passed away, her sister, Nancy G. Brinker founded Susan G. Komen for the Cure to advance the work of finding a cure for breast cancer. Since its inception in 1982, the charity has raised over $1.9 billion and distributed this to non-profit groups working to find a cure for breast cancer. This is a truly remarkable organization. They certainly don't deserve what has happened over the past couple of weeks.

They have recently been thrust into the spotlight through their association with Planned Parenthood (PPFA). The PPFA is currently under investigation by a House Committee for allegations including:

• Financial irregularities
• Non-Compliance with federal regulations on taxpayer funding
• Concerns that it is covering up cases of sex trafficking

Komen has been providing funding to the PPFA in the hundreds of thousands of dollars specifically for funding for education or screening for breast cancer. This funding amounted to a drop in the bucket for the giant PPFA, which has a yearly budget of more than $1 billion yearly. All of the above has been widely reported by mainstream media. What follows has not been so widely known. Here are the pertinent and revealing facts.

The Board of Komen decided months ago that they would be de-funding PPFA due to the ongoing investigation as a matter of policy. They informed Planned Parenthhod of their decision in December, letting them know that there would be a public announcement to that affect at a later date. Karen Handel charges that Planned Parenthood used that time to prepare for an all-out attack against Komen once the story became public. As she told Fox News, “What was unleashed over this past week was a vicious attack against a great organization and…individual attacks against [Komen founder] Nancy Brinker, an individual whom I admire greatly – and I would think all of us should be saddened that an outside org should put this kind of pressure on another organization.”

The overwhelming media response to these events has been to paint Planned Parenthood as a victim of some kind of Pro-life hack job by Karen Handel. Planned Parenthood has instead been handed a fund-raising windfall as moneys have been pouring in from an aggravated pro-choice base. So let's review:

• Planned Parenthood is being investigated for financial irregularities involving multiple millions of U.S. Federal Funds.
• Komen decides as an organization, by unanimous vote of its Board, to not give funds to Planned Parenthood while they are under investigation. (Remember, Komen is a non-profit charity, free to fund any group they wish that falls within the umbrella of breast cancer research). 
• Upon hearing the announcement, pro-abortion organizations began to deluge Komen with complaints, demanding that V.P. Karen Handel be fired, blaming her for the decision.
• Funds role in for Planned Parenthood,  in 3 days they raised $3 million. That was almost five times what Komen was giving them over a year. 
• Komen reverses their decision, agreeing to consider PPFA for grant moneys in the future.
• Komen's reputation has been dragged through the mud, finally resulting in the resignation of V.P. Handel.

What does this reveal about these organizations? Firstly, it demonstrates that Planned Parenthood is a political behemoth and a bully. As Handel stated: “The last time I checked, private non-profit organizations have a right and a responsibility to be able to set the highest standards and criteria on their own without interference, let alone the level of vicious attacks and coercion that has occurred by Planned Parenthood. It’s simply outrageous." 

Secondly, it demonstrates the extreme bias of the mainstream media as it seemed everyone was "piling on," with righteous indignation that Komen would do such a thing. I find it bizarre that a decision to de-fund an organization that is itself the source of such controversy should be met with such hostility. I found the first interview with Handel interesting. 

At the end of the day, my hope is that Komen can recover from the brutality of this past couple of weeks. I'm no fan of Planned Parenthood, being the largest abortion provider in the world. This sorry ordeal has merely confirmed my opinion of them.

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Why the abortion issue won't go away

I just finished reading an article by R. Albert Mohler Jr. on CNN's Belief Blog called "My Take: Why the abortion issue won’t go away." This was a uniquely American perspective but, as in many other issues, there is a great deal of crossover. I wanted to look at the same issue from a Canadian perspective.

If you're a regular reader of this blog you'll note that I write on the topic of abortion fairly often. I do that for the same reason that many other Canadians bring up the subject. I believe that abortion is the moral issue of our time. Other generations have had to deal with slavery, suffrage and civil rights, among other issues. In my view there is no moral issue that takes precedence over the right to life.

Since abortion was first de-criminalized in Canada in 1969, there have been over 3,000,000 abortions in Canada. Once all restrictions to abortion were removed in 1988, abortion jumped 29%. Just to clarify, in Canada there is currently no protection for a child in the womb, regardless of length of term. This was confirmed in 1991 by the Supreme Court of Canada when a full-term child whose head was outside of the birth canal was ruled not a "person" by law. Most Canadians I speak with are unaware of this reality.

Let's examine some of the reasons why this won't go away in Canada. Some of these reasons mirror the American situation, some differ.

It won't go away because the legal position in Canada is so extreme. As stated above, there is virtually no protection for a child in the womb. For those who value life this is simply untenable. More than thirty years of surveys have demonstrated that the majority of Canadians want some limit to abortion. Yet, there is no political will to address the issue. In fact, it is widely believed that to bring up the "A" word in terms of a pro-life position would be the death knell for a candidate. So the subject continues to be the subject of debate by pro-lifers while pro-choicers do their best to stifle those voices.

It won't go away because there are people on either side who are firmly entrenched in their position. As Winston Churchill said, "A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." Feminist organizations have viewed the issue of abortion rights as fundamental to the rights of women, and therefore it is a non-negotiable. They will therefore fight any effort to limit abortion whatsoever, not wanting to allow a foot in the door. Women's Studies programs in Canadian Universities are notorious for their pro-abortion slant.

On the other hand, the Catholic Church and Canadian Evangelicals, among others, are equally determined to see Canada come to the defense of the unborn. Because their stance is rooted in their firm belief that the fetus is a human being and that life begins at conception, expecting them to change their mind is naive in the extreme.

It won't go away because the Canadian media, by and large, refuses to allow the issue to be brought to the forefront. This has resulted in a great deal of frustration, particularly among pro-lifers who feel as though their views are virtually ignored if not mis-represented. Every election we are reminded by some columnist or news anchor that the abortion issue is a closed debate and that the Canadian public doesn't want it re-opened. This only serves to wave a red flag in the faces of pro-lifers. What has resulted is an entrenchment whereby pro-lifers have created their own newspapers, on-line news sources, and women's organizations in order to allow their views to be heard. The growth in social media has also allowed for a more direct approach in getting the word out.

It won't go away because advancements in science and technology have radically changed what we know about life in the womb. Destroyed is the myth that an unborn baby is simply a blob of cells. Just before writing this article I saw a friend's Facebook post of a 3D image of their child "in utero." They have already named their baby and are commenting on how much he looks like his father. Yet we are still aborting babies of the same gestation in Canada.

Beyond that, now that we have the technology to determine sex earlier in the pregnancy, we see that women are aborting babies based solely on sex. The issues become more and more complicated as feminists now must either defend "gendercide" or come out against some abortions. But if abortion is wrong because it's a girl, how can it be okay if it's a boy? A baby is a baby is a baby.

It won't go away because pro-lifers recognize, as feared, that abortion was only the thin edge of the wedge. In other words, once we have succeeded in de-humanizing unborn babies, a lack of respect for life in general follows. Debates regarding euthanasia and what to do with babies who survive abortion create the belief that social engineers will continue to push an even more extreme agenda.

This is an uncomfortable issue to be sure. It's not comfortable table talk. It's not even a popular subject on this blog. But I will continue to write about it because it's an issue which deserves serious consideration. I truly long for intelligent debate on this issue. I have not heard, recently, a well thought out pro-choice position, but rather the shrill cry to "shut up!" Well, that won't happen. The issue will not be going away any time soon.

Related Articles:
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Canada Now an Abortion Destination
The Wonder of Life
Losing Our Way

Top 3 New Posts For January

These were the top three blog posts (rated by visits) from the Mars Hill blog for the month of January 2012. If you didn't get a chance to read them, take a peek.

Here they are in reverse order:

#3. Just Do The Right Thing!
This article deals with the lack of, and need for, integrity in our dealings with one another.

#2. Authentic Leadership
This is actually an excerpt from Michael Hyatt's blog.

#1. Tim Tebow Mania
Tim Teboe and his playoff run have been in the news all month. This piece deals with the person of Tim Tebow and what makes him tick.

By the way, the #1 article of all time on this blog is a piece done last April on Akiane Kramarik, the famous child artist. It was called simply Akiane.

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Top 5 Super Bowl Ads of All Time

Tomorrow's the Super Bowl. New England and New York will be facing off again for all the marbles. But more importantly for some, advertisers will try to put their best foot forward to win some brand recognition on the biggest stage in the world. They'll spend millions to try to keep you in your seat rather than running to the bathroom. Some of these companies have been legendary in their success in this area. That's what we're looking at today.

Thanks for the public and private responses to my informal poll. Here are the results for the top 5 Super Bowl ads of all time.

5. Coming in at Number 5 is the iconic Coca Cola Ad from 1980 featuring Mean Joe Greene. Personally I think this would have gone higher but for the fact that a lot of you readers weren't even around then! It was successful in showing that one of the toughest players of all time for the Pittsburgh Steelers was really just a big softy.



4. This hilarious ad is from 2010 and was created by Doritos. Everybody immediately fell in love with Jalen, who took no time whatsoever in laying down the law to his mother's new boyfriend.



3. Number 3 on the list, from 2011, has a Canadian twist to it - the beaver, after all, is a national symbol and graces our nickel. This Bridgestone ad keys around a driver managing to save a beaver's life and, later, the beaver returning the favor. Back to nature in vulcanized rubber!



2. This 2008 Budweiser "Clydesdale Team" ad made it all the way to #2. Everyone loves it when the animals play feature roles. In this ad, a dalmatian plays the role of trainer Mick to Hank the Clydesdale's Rocky. You have to cheer for the underdog!



1. Coming in at #1 with the most votes was last year's hit commercial from VW - "The Force." Volkswagen knocked it out of the park by piggybacking on the popular Star Wars theme and the interaction between a father and son.



As a bonus, let's take a sneak peak at one of the much-hyped ads that will be debuting at this year's Superbowl. This hilarious Acura ad features Jerry Seinfeld and a surprise ending with Jay Leno. Enjoy!



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The Pareto Principle

A long, long time ago, near the beginning of my ministry, I attended a leadership conference taught by John Maxwell. I ate up the material because it related to what I was facing in my church and life at the time. I was just reminded of one of the principles that he taught as I was sitting at my desk looking at literally scores of books that I want to read.

The truth is that you can't do everything. You can't read everything. You can't listen to every podcast and you certainly can't keep everybody happy. That's where the reminder about the Pareto Principle came to my puny little mind.

The Pareto Principle (also known as the 80–20 rule, the law of the vital few, and the principle of factor sparsity) was developed by an Italian economist named Vilfredo Pareto way back in 1906. What it basically teaches is this: for many events, roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes. He observed, for example that, in 1906, 80% of the land in Italy was owned by 20% of the people. In his garden, 80% of the peas came from only 20% of the pea pods.

Frankly, I don't care about the peas and the pods or who owns what in Italy - the question for me is how can I apply this principle. Maxwell shared some great applications for my church and my life. Take a look at some of these examples and see if you have found these true in your environment:

• 20% of the people do 80% of the work.
• 20% of the people give 80% of the money.
• 20% of the people take 80% of the time.
• 20% of the people invite 80% of the visitors.
• 20% of the people make 80% of the decisions.
• 20% of the people teach 80% of the people.
• 20% of the time produces 80% of the results.
• 20% of the programs give 80% of the growth.
• 20% of the message gives 80% of the content.
• 20% of the job gives 80% of the satisfaction.

The bottom line application for all of us is this: if we devote our energy, time, and resources to the top 20% of our priorities, we’ll achieve 80% of the results we desire. This is one application of this principle that I have definitely found to be true. All of us are busy (some at things that don't matter, but that's another story). Many of us find ourselves with not enough hours in a day to accomplish all that we need to accomplish. So, obviously, choices need to be made. Here are some lessons from Pareto.

It's not how hard you work, but how smart, that counts. 
I've known some very unsuccessful hard workers. They're certainly not lazy, but lazy is not the only way to be unproductive. We need to recognize those areas of responsibility that are going to move us the greatest distance toward our destination, and do them first.

Someone spoke of the "tyranny of the urgent." Without planning and evaluating, we end up constantly having to deal with things that are now "urgent," simply because we weren't paying attention. With my personality I learned a long time ago that I wasn't going to get a lot done without the use of a planner. Working hard was never an issue, working smart was.

Organize or agonize.
I say this as I'm surrounded by stacks of papers and files on my desk. I'm an "abstract random." I tend to move quickly from project to project and like to have a lot of things of the go. I can be like the talking dog in the movie "Up" who was constantly being distracted because he thought he saw a squirrel. I like squirrels, they're cute little furry animals, rodents actually that like nuts....  Sorry. The point is. I've had to learn (still learning) to organize my major projects or regret the missed deadlines.

For those with personalities like mine, this is an ongoing process. But I do find the principle holds true. I need to keep asking myself which of these projects will bring the greatest reward and refocus my energies on those.

Choose or lose.
The truth is that we are always making choices whether we want to be or not. If we do not choose to place first things first then we are choosing to place them somewhere else. When those important things are moved down on the totem pole our effectiveness drops as well. Sometimes we simply cannot do everything that is asked of us so we must choose - or lose.

Evaluate or stalemate.
Someone called it "the paralysis of analysis," the inability to make a decision. It's also been called the "ready, aim, aim, aim... syndrome." We have to set and maintain priorities if we're going to be effective in our chosen field of endeavour. How can we do that? Here are some questions to ask:

• How do we determine our priorities?

1. Requirement: What is required of me?
2. Return: What gives the greatest return?
3. Reward: What gives me the greatest joy?

• How do we maintain our priorities?

1. Evaluate: Where am I?
2. Eliminate: What am I doing that can be done by someone else?
3. Estimate: What is needed to accomplish my objective?

I know that I have a set amount of hours to work with in any given day and week. The question is, what am I going to do with that time? If I apply the Pareto Principle and focus on the top 20%, rather than the squirrels, chances are I'll get a lot more done. So, as far as my books are concerned, I think I'm going to figure out which 20% are going to give me 80% of what I need to know. The others look good on my shelf for the time being. By the way, if you're reading this, you're in my top 20%. : )

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Remembering Teunis (Tony) denBok

Today my father would have turned 80! It's hard to believe that he's been gone almost 18 years. I'm not normally one to remember dates, but this one I've been thinking about for a few days - not sure why. This blog post is likely irrelevant for almost everyone else, but I'll write it anyway.

There's an old chair that now sits in my mother's basement. It's been there pretty much since my Dad passed away and we found Mom the little house where she now lives. To most people it's just an old ugly chair, but to me it's a connection to my father. I remember him sitting in it reading the newspaper and watching the news until he fell asleep after supper. I would sit on the arm of the chair and we'd watch the Leafs lose, always hoping for better days (See picture above).

Some of my memories of Dad are starting to fade, and it bothers me, but I guess that comes with the passing of time. For years after he passed away I would see someone walking down the street wearing a fedora and look to see if it was him. I would see someone driving his make and model of car and do the same thing, feeling a twinge of sadness when I remembered that it couldn't be him after all. So today I'm writing down some of those memories I still have for my own sake.

I have my Dad's golf clubs - they worked better for him. He taught me how to play. I could outdrive him as long as I can remember, but his shots, though short, were usually straight. Mine went everywhere. I was still using those clubs until a couple of years ago. I took a swing with the driver and the end snapped off and flew down the fairway. It's shocking how bad that felt, I guess because I lost another piece of him.

My Dad was the kind of guy that everyone loved. He was usually happy and was a people person. He genuinely loved to help people. He called bingo at the Leisure Time Club in Collingwood where he was a volunteer. He served with the Lions for a while and the Kiwanis Club. I would go with him sometimes and we would sing for the Seniors in Sunset Manor.

He loved to sing. I remember songs like "Yellow Bird," sung with his Dutch accent and humming in the parts where he would inevitably forget the words. The little bit of Dutch that I know came from the Dutch songs that he and I would sing together from Heintje or Vader Abraham, like this one I just found on youtube!!! Bedankt Lieve Ouders. He would always laugh when I mispronounced the words.

He got me my first job - with Don Hawkey Construction - and his advice to me was to work hard and not stop until the job was done. It's good advice still today. He drove me to college all the way in Tennessee and my sister, Laurie, tells me he almost turned around and went back to get me. He and my mother did without a lot for me to stay in school. I don't think I ever said thanks.

I remember how he was with my kids. My oldest, Tony, was his namesake, and he would love to take him to get his hair cut. The only time I remember seeing my father cry was when he said goodbye to Tony as we were moving to Florida. He hugged him, told him he loved him and placed him in the car, then walked away wiping the tears away so we wouldn't see. But we saw, and it made me love him more. I'm still looking for the picture of Dad with my youngest son, Micah. It's the only one we have (he died the year Micah was born) and I can't find it anywhere.

My Dad wasn't good with expressing his feelings (something about being Dutch, I think). Over the years I've grown to understand him more, I believe. He was certainly not perfect, but he was my father, and I always loved him.

It's times like this when I'm so glad that there is a heaven. I look forward to having the conversations that we never got to have while he was alive. The yearning in my heart for that reunion is evidence to me that there will be one. As C.S. Lewis so aptly said it: “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”

I sang a song at his funeral called "We Believe." A lot of people still comment on it, probably because of the emotion I was feeling as I sang it. I was singing from my heart because it was and is what I truly believe. I do look forward to that day, but until then I'll continue to do my best, believing that he's proud of me. I think there's a longing in every son's heart for the approval of his father. I want to be sure that my sons know how proud I am of the men they've become and are becoming. And I don't ever want to forget my Dad. "'Til we meet again."

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The War on Women

One of the biggest stories in the news lately has been the trial and conviction of the Shafia family for "Honour killings." Mohammad Shafia, his wife Tooba Mohammad Yahya, and their son Hamed Mohammad Shafia killed Mohammed's other wife, (Mohammed was a polygamist) Rona and three daughters, Zainab, Sahar and Geeti, just 19, 17 and 13 years old, ostensibly because they "shamed" the family. They are pictured below.

This case has rightly enraged people worldwide and drawn attention to the plight of women living in repressive cultures all over the world. In places like Afghanistan, former home of the Shafias, fundamentalist Muslims have used the Koran as an excuse to treat women as property. Because of this view, women who disobey are viewed to be disrespectful and, therefore, bring shame to the family. In the minds of Mohammed Shafia, the only way to restore the honour to the family name is to kill the offending women.

Thankfully, the Canadian court made a clear and emphatic statement that this hate, masquerading in religious garb, will not be tolerated here. All three accused were convicted and sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole for twenty five years. The very clear and direct message from the judge and jury was that the lives of women are valued in Canada. This judgement should make us all proud.

That being said, I can't help but find the irony here. Just two weeks ago I wrote an article about the emerging trend for women to come to Canada in order to find out the sex of their baby so that they can abort their female children. The National Post did a feature on this on January 16th. Just last week I linked to the just produced film called "It's A Girl!" detailing the gendercide that's taking place around the world as baby girls, born and unborn, are killed automatically -simply for being girls.

Doesn't anyone else find it at least a little bit hypocritical that we, as a society, are turning a blind eye to the killing of baby girls in the womb on our own soil while vilifying the Shafias? They're obviously guilty of a heinous crime - it seems that popular opinion is unanimous on that. But I'm also outraged that the Government of China, with its one child policy, is complicit in the deaths of millions of live born baby girls. I'm outraged that, in India, it's a cultural norm to murder a baby girl so the parents won't have to come up with money for a dowry later. I'm also outraged that we're doing the same thing in Canada - just a few weeks earlier, because the child will make our lives more difficult.

Here's my question, where are the feminist groups? Why are their voices silent on this? These are baby girls who need protection, but it seems that women's rights groups are so afraid of losing ground on the abortion issue that they remain silent in the face of injustice. I know this is not a popular issue, but it is not going away. The fact that Canada has no abortion law will continue to be a stain on our country's reputation. I hear no cogent defense of this pro-abortion position, only the shrill cry to stop talking about it, and the claim that no-one wants to re-open the debate. Cowardice on our part can only lead to disaster for those who can't defend themselves.

The Shafias deserve the punishment they will receive; their crime was horrific. These four women reached out for help to school officials, police and even a women's shelter. For some reason (some claim because they were Muslim) these cries for help went unheeded. The inaction eventually led to their deaths. The voices of millions of girls worldwide are crying out for justice. Get past your bias and speak up.

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Tim Tebow and John 3:16 - What's Up With That?

I was doing some internet surfing and came across CNN's BELIEF BLOG. This is where their "religion experts" give their take on issues from Mitt Romney's Mormonism to a Texas Pastor's challenge to his married members to engage in sex for seven straight days to help their marriages (that's getting some play right now!) The reporting here certainly seems to be much more balanced than most main-stream media outlets.

The video I've embedded here is on the subject of John 3:16 ("For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.") The popular interest in this verse has been revived by Tim Tebow, who, in his college years, used to put Scripture references on his eye black to send a message during games. That practice has since been banned.

What I find interesting is that this even needs to be explained. It certainly is revealing about how far our culture has moved from the days, not so long ago, when everyone was Biblically literate. From a Pastor's perspective, it really makes me stop and think about how to communicate to this culture in a relevant way. When I began my ministry, I could usually assume that almost everyone who would listen to my sermons believed in God, knew the Bible, and had a favorable opinion towards the church. Today, in many places, the reverse is true. It certainly does lay a much heavier responsibility on those of us entrusted with the task of communicating the Gospel (Good News) message. Enjoy the video.



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All Time Greatest Super Bowl Ads - Vote!

All right everybody, next Sunday is Super Bowl XLVI in Indianapolis. Many are looking forward to the game, but many are also looking forward to the commercials. Every year companies spend millions to make the commercial that will capture the minds of the mega-audience, not to mention the cost of $3.5 million for a 30-second ad.

There have been some great commercials dubuted during the Super Bowl. I've picked out 14 nominees for best all-time and I want you to help me decide. Write-ins are allowed. Leave your vote in the comment section below. The top five vote-getters will be announced next Saturday. Here are my selections - in no particular order.

(Careerbuilder "Parking Lot" - 2011)


(Snickers "Betty White" - 2010)


(Doritos "House Rules" - 2010)


(Bridgestone "Karma" - 2011)


("Clydesdale Team" - 2008)


("Castaway" - Fed-Ex, 2003)


(Pepsi - 1995)


(Old Spice - 2010)


(Budweiser frogs - 1995)


(Where's The Beef? - 1984)


(The Force - 2011)


(9/11 Tribute)


(Mean Joe Green - 1980)


(1984 Apple Macintosh Ad)


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In The Know – How Are Teens Affected by the College Application Season?

This is a guest post by Jeannie Burlowski, a U.S. based speaker, consultant, and writer on the subject of brilliance in college and college, graduate, and medical school admissions. She is the primary instructor for “Brilliant in College” Seminars and Conferences – used by pastors, high schools, and colleges to equip both parents and students for academic success and decisive spiritual power during the college years (online at http://www.bebrilliantincollege.com/).

She is also the author of the book 6 Things You Absolutely Must Do to be Brilliant in College (due out in 2012).
__________________________________________________________

Have you ever tried to stand up in a canoe?

You’re about to launch out into an exciting adventure, and you’re eager to go, but first you have to walk the length of the canoe to get to your seat.

You feel unstable, insecure, and out of balance, like anything you might do could capsize you.

Take that feeling and stretch it out over about four years, and you have some sense of what teens feel from the time they’re 16 until they’re about 20.

It’s called “launch anxiety.”

Experts on teen development call it launch anxiety, and it’s something parents experience too. Imagine a teen and her parents, all standing up in the same canoe, all trying to get balance and footing in this strange new season of life.

Now you have some sense of why life in a home with teens can seem chaotic and out of control.

What do parents and teens grab for, as they try to gain stability?

It times of change, uncertainty, and instability, human beings naturally – instinctively -- grab for something steady and stable to hold onto.

In best case scenarios both parents and teens, separately, intensify and further develop their focus on a steady, unchanging God through a real and relevant relationship with Jesus Christ.

In the words of author Leanne Payne, they “stand up straight into God.” Parents in this posture view their teens as having purpose, a “calling” on their lives – whether ministerial or not. They see their teens as possessing specific gifts from God that will enable and bring excellence to their life’s work. For families in this posture, college (or other post-secondary training or education) makes sense in that it develops the gifts God has specifically given this teen. It’s a means to an end, not an idol to be bowed to.

This is the best-case scenario. In many families, though, reality looks quite different.

Grabbing for what cannot provide stability

Sometimes, even committed Christian parents and teens are tempted to leave off “standing up straight into God” in the crush of the pre-college years.

The tug is insidious and ever present - to bend down, to bow toward the earth and all it provides, to try in vain to “get life” and security and stability from things such as enormous numbers of extracurricular activities, prestigious college admissions, or plans for medicine or aerospace engineering.

“Surely these things are the key to a good life, right?” parents ask each other hesitantly. “There’s nothing wrong with a focus on education… is there?”

When there’s excessive focus, that is a problem.

When the pursuit of the next step in education becomes an idol to be bowed to and worshipped, teens report feeling suffocated and exhausted, and pressured almost beyond their ability to bear it. It’s in situations like these that teens sometimes begin to turn to unhealthy behaviors, in an effort to cope - in an effort to escape.

One teen girl put it this way: “Some people say that figuring out the college stuff is like building a bicycle while riding it, but IT’S NOT. It’s like building a 747 jumbo jet while flying it! You better believe it’s scary.”

I’m a parent. Are there practical things can I do to counteract this?

• Frankly look at whether you might be bent toward the earth, “getting life” from your own education, career, or earning potential. If you are, begin to “stand up straight into God” where your own career and earning potential are concerned.
• At the dinner table or while riding in the car, let your teen know about problems or obstacles you are facing at work. Let him or her know that you are actively praying about these things and listening for God’s response, because God helps people to find ingenious solutions to problems at work.
• Consistently see your work as part of a much bigger picture, and let your teen hear you praying for God’s presence and blessing in that bigger picture.
• Hard as it is in our culture, keep your own work within boundaries, with time carefully set aside for play, rest, worship, and connecting with others. Each time you make this choice, you are communicating to your teen that work is not to be worshipped.
• Seek out and learn a new skill that will help you to be better at your work. Communicate to your teen that you’re excited about the opportunity -- because you’re not just working for a paycheck; your daily secular work is an act of worship to God, and you want to do it as well and as beautifully as possible.
• In age appropriate family meetings, pray together and thank God for your income. Tell God together of your desire to manage your income wisely. Make giving decisions as a family, and then lay the offering check in the middle of the table and pray this prayer: “God, we’re giving this because our family wants to be a part of what you are doing on this earth.” Who could resist the invitation to be a part of something as beautiful as that?

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