End Bullying

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Who came up with that? Almost everyone I know bears the invisible scars of the words of someone from their past, words that lodge themselves deep in the psyche and hurt again and again.

Over the past few months we have been inundated with stories about children being bullied. In the Fall of 2012 it was Amanda Todd of Coquitlam, B.C. who committed suicide after posting a video on you-tube telling her story (Posted below). In my work with people I often hear stories of bullying experiences, sometimes many years old, that have damaged self-esteem and, in some cases, lead to suicide.


 

Schools and governments have been trying to find ways to eliminate bullying, often by focusing on self-esteem or support groups such as the Gay-straight alliance imposed upon Ontario schools by the Ontario government. The challenge is to start enough support groups for each category of person who is bullied. It can't be done.


The sad truth is that there will always be bullies - people who feel better about themselves by inflicting pain on others. I was smaller in High School and was beaten up by some older kids. Others are picked on because of their weight, clothes, haircut, disability, religion; some of them even by teachers.

While this problem will likely never be eradicated, each of us can begin now to make a difference. I think this is where the journey begins. When I decide that I won't let someone be bullied around me, I make a difference. When we choose to reach out to someone who has been marginalized, we make a difference. When we build inclusive communities where everyone is welcome, and no-one is excluded, we make a difference. When we take our negative experiences, and use them to help others, we make a difference. That's what Shane Koyczan did. Watch his video below and share it. I'm sure it will help a lot of people. Be a part of the solution, not the problem.



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The Power of Encouragement

We can probably all list a few people in our lives who have that great quality of being encouragers. They are the ones who we are always glad to see when they walk in the door. On the other hand are the discouragers - those who can suck the life right out of a room. We would all like to be encouragers, but just how is that done?

Start with a positive attitude.
Attitude is a choice. Many people don't believe it, but it's true. You can be a glass half full or a glass half empty kind of person. It's up to you. You may have been raised in a negative environment, but you can learn how to look at the world differently. How does that happen?

• Make peace with God.

This is the beginning point. If you and God aren't getting along there's a very good reason you're miserable. We were created for relationship, and the very first relationship we were created for was the one we should have with God Himself. He has provided all that we need for peace with God through Jesus Christ. It's a gift; it can't be earned. Peace with God is the first key to good relationships with others.

• Control your thought life.

Our minds are very much like computers, what goes in is what comes out. Read positive books, listen to uplifting music; as far as possible be around positive people. You will gradually find that your attitude towards life will take a turn for the better.

Practice good will.
Good will is really a commitment to giving other people the benefit of the doubt. We all look at people in one of two ways: either they are friends or enemies. Generally, we also find what we're looking for. If you approach someone assuming that their motives are wrong, it is highly unlikely that we will find a friend. On the other hand, if we assume the best about people until proven otherwise we're likely to be rewarded with good will in return.

Look for the good in people.
Everyone has good qualities, even if they are harder to find in some people than in others. Choose to look for the good in people - and mention it. How do you feel when others speak well of you? Doesn't it make you want to do even better? We all like to get a pat on the back, and we all tend to flourish in a positive environment. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be." 

Practice doing the little things.
It doesn't take much to make a big difference. So often when we think about making changes in our lives we make it a huge daunting challenge. Start small. Smile at everyone you meet; you'll find that it's contagious. More often than not your smile will be returned. Make a commitment that with everyone you talk to today you will make one positive comment. Find something that is deserving of a comment - and say it. Tell the person serving your coffee that they're doing a good job. As Mother Teresa said: “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” Write one encouraging note to someone. Finding a note like this can make all the difference in the world, and may turn someone's day around.

Be others centered.
If you want to be an encourager, spend some time investing in another person. Ask them about their day; their life and their family. Focusing on them will help them to feel important, and everyone needs that. One of the best things we can do for ourselves when we're feeling down is to care for someone else.

Look for good examples.


Albert Schweitzer

Who are the people who have encouraged you? What is it about them that stands out? Emulate those qualities. You can become a person that people want to be around. I've included some quotes that speak eloquently to the power of encouragement. We may not be able to change the world, but we can change our corner of it.
"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." ~ Albert Schweitzer



Booker T. Washington

"Correction does much, but encouragement does more." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 
"There are high spots in all of our lives and most of them have come about through encouragement from someone else. I don't care how great, how famous or successful a man or woman may be, each hungers for applause." ~ George Matthew Adams

"There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up." - Booker T. Washington

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The Power of Words

"I have a dream..." Martin Luther King, Jr. uttered those famous words in 1963. (Watch full speech here). I was one year old, and am now 49. Yet they resonate, and will continue to do so, because of the powerful thoughts that they represent. Words are powerful things, and they have the potential to turn men's hearts and to alter the course of nations. With this kind of power we ought to be careful how we use them.

Words aren't always used for good, sometimes they are used for manipulation. Witness the powerful imagery that Hitler conjured with his speeches about a "thousand year reich." The world shook for years as the nation of Germany united around a madman who was good with words.

As leaders, then, this is a subject that must be thoughtfully considered. The more influential the leader, and the more challenging the times, the greater import of the choice of words. Look again to World War II as an example. Most of mainland Europe lay completely under the boot of Hitler's Nazis, and he turned his murderous attention on England. The island nation was facing the full might of the powerful German airforce - the Luftwaffe. On numerous occasions over the next few years, Winston Churchill's voice and words rose to inspire a nation.

On June 4, 1940 he declared:

"We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France,
we shall fight on the seas and oceans,
we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air,

we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
we shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the hills;
we shall never surrender..."

(Read the whole speech here.)

On October 29, 1941 he famously uttered these words:

"Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy." (See more here.)

It is the power of words that can turn leaders into legends. Witness John F. Kennedy's stirring call to Americans at the time of his inauguration: "...ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country."

As a leader, I've witnessed that the power of words is critical, not just for the world-shaking occasions described above, but for the challenges that face your organization and mine. When difficult times come, what you choose to say (or not say) can result in a renewed vision and determination or a continued loss of momentum. How do you know what to say? Here are some keys that I think need to be remembered:

Have a sense of the times.
Those who follow you need to know that you have a sense of perspective. You don't have to mouth platitudes that "everything is going to be all right," but you do need to explain the situation. The last thing that people want is their leader "fudging figures" or trying to tiptoe around reality. People already have a sense when things aren't going well. The best way to deal with that is to acknowledge that and set a course of action to change it.

Be a "dealer in hope."
Napoleon famously stated that “A leader is a dealer in hope.” This is a true statement, even if we can question Napoleon's motives. The truth is that people need to be inspired, and without hope, people will quickly abandon the fight or the cause. They need to know why they ought to continue to pay the price, and it's a question which deserves an answer.  

Believe it before you say it.
No-one wants to follow a hypocrite, and nothing serves to destroy the heart of an organization more quickly than to find out that their commitment was being taken advantage of. If you do not believe in what you are doing  - get off the bus, call u-haul and leave town. Let another leader emerge who has the courage of their convictions. Sharp people are very quick to sniff out a fraud or a coward. On the other hand, people long to follow a leader who they can believe in. Witness my favorite scene from Braveheart:

Think before you speak.
This speaks of preparation and intentionality. When you understand that what you say could turn the fortunes of your organization or the future of your people you'd best take your time. Focus your mind on the key thought that you want to convey. Remarkably, Martin Luther King, Jr. rarely used a manuscript, but preached from an outline, having the key thoughts committed to memory. Listening to him you have a sense that he had spent a great deal of time pondering how to express the burden that was in his heart. This, I believe is a  real hallmark of great leaders: they embody their cause.

I sincerely believe that people are looking and longing for a cause that is bigger than themselves; something that is worth living for. They are looking for leaders that are able to articulate the vision in a way that they can understand. They want to know why they ought to sacrifice; why they ought to commit wholeheartedly to a cause. It is a large part of a leader's role to cast that vision with clarity - so choose your words wisely.

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