Top 5 Blog Posts of 2012 - #5

This post was published back on January 27th of 2012. It's one of my favorites. I'm glad so many felt the same way.

I've been reading a great book lately by John Ortberg called "The Me I Want To Be." John is a pastor in California and formerly a teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago, where I first heard of him. He's a great communicator and does a great job of making complicated issues understandable for the rest of us.

In his chapter called "Think Great Thoughts" he talks about learning how to monitor our thought patterns. For years now I've been speaking about the Biblical mandate to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind," so this was particularly enlightening to me. It's amazing how much our thought patterns control us, and also how we can deliberately reshape those patterns to make positive change. Here's a great illustration John uses:

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue
to taunt me with bizarre,
little dangling objects.
The only thing that keeps me
going is my dream of escape.

Two animals, identical circumstances; totally different experiences. The point is that the focus of our thoughts has a great deal to do with our outcomes. On what do you focus?

I speak to people often whose focus is on their problems and how life has done them wrong. Their mindset filters out any of the good things that may be happening around them and, instead, picks up on, and magnifies, any real or perceived slight. Over their lifetime they have unwittingly helped to create a reality for themselves that is far worse than it needs to be.

This is now scientifically verified. As Ortberg writes, "Even twenty years ago, researchers thought the adult brain was genetically determined and structurally unchangeable. But they have since found that even into adulthood the brain is amazingly changeable - it has neuroplasticity. Which synapses remain and which ones whither away depends on your mental habits. Those that carry no traffic go out of business like bus routes with no customers. Those that get heavily trafficked get stronger and thicker. The mind shapes the brain. Neurons that wire together fire together. In other words, when you practice hope, love or joy, your mind is actually, literally, rewiring your brain!"

It stands to reason then, that Scripture would speak to this. Colossians 3:2 tells us, "Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things." One of my life verses, Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Ultimately, how we choose to think is up to us, which is why we can point to people of similar backgrounds who chose radically different paths. Your past, your circumstances, your family background doesn't need to define your future. What I have found helpful is to use God's Word as a filter through which I can interpret events. For example, Jeremiah 29:11 - "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Or Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

So, here's a question, where are your thought patterns taking you? Again, Ortberg writes, "As a general rule, our emotions flow out of our thoughts. Discouraged people tend to think discouraging thoughts. Worried people tend to think anxious thoughts." Conversely, positive people tend to think positive thoughts. Why not begin today to take charge in this area? Think better thoughts to start moving in a better direction.

Related Articles:
Developing Great Habits
“Put God First” - The Principle of Priority
"Take Out the Trash" - The Principle of Transformation
"Write It Down" - The Principle of Clarity
"Turn It Off!" - The Principle of Restoration
"Do It Now" - The Principle of Inertia

Book Review: Who Is This Man?

Book Review: "Who Is This Man? The Unpredictable Impact of the Inescapable Jesus," Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2012. 219 pages.

When you have such notables as Max Lucado, Patrick Lencioni, N.T. Wright, Phillip Yancey and Dallas Willard writing testimonials and Condeleeza Rice providing the foreword, you know you're in for a treat! I may have found another new favorite book. Leave it to John Ortberg to hit it out of the park.

I grabbed this book when I heard John mention it at this year's Leadership Summit. I was intrigued by the question that is implied by this book: what would this world look like without Jesus? What difference did He really make? As Ortberg shares, our world would be barely recognizable without his influence.

Jesus is the ultimate paradox. Born in obscurity to an oppressed people, never traveling more than 200 miles from his home, rejecting the normal avenues to power, limiting his public ministry to only three years, being struck down in his prime: none of these hint of a world-changer. Yet, as historian H.G. Wells wrote, "The historian's test of an individual's greatness is 'What did he leave to grow?' Did he start men thinking along fresh lines with a vigor that persisted after him? By this test Jesus stands first."

Ortberg shares a myriad number of ways that Jesus has impacted our world for the better - many of which would surprise our secular world which has lately been studiously trying to erase any vestige of him. The rise of Western Civilization is largely due to the principles taught by Jesus in his public ministry. We can begin with the promotion of human dignity which changed the way that society treated women and children.

While some cultures may have valued women and children, it was Jesus' followers who spread those values to the world. Before Christ, in the world  ruled by Rome, women were viewed as chattel, children were often abandoned to die if they were born weak or the wrong gender (read female). Jesus accepted women as disciples, and the church which he established became the first egalitarian organization on earth, according to historian Thomas Cahill. All were welcomed and valued. Abandoned children were adopted by Christians because Jesus had taught them that each of them were created in God's image and were loved by Him. It was Christ-followers who established the first orphanages.

Mother Teresa

When plagues struck cities, the healthy would leave the sick to fend for themselves. It was Jesus' followers who would go and care for them, nursing them back to health and caring for them until their death. They cared because Jesus taught that caring for the hurting was a reflection of loving him. They established the first hospitals that even cared for the poor and they advanced the medical profession. Christ-followers like Florence Nightingale and Mother Teresa, in turn, left their imprint on society.

Because Jesus valued children, Christians began to teach them - all of them. Education was restricted in Roman culture to children of the wealthy and privileged. Christians taught children of the poor and slaves alike, wanting to help them to serve God with their minds as well. Philosopher Mark Nelson writes, "If you ask what is Jesus' influence on medicine and compassion, I would suggest that wherever you have an institution  of self-giving for the lonely (and for practical welfare of the lonely), schools, hospitals, hospices, orphanages for those who will never be able to repay, this probably has its roots in the movement of Jesus."

The first universities found their impetus in the monasteries. Christ-followers devoted their lives to study - not just of Christian works, but of the classics and pagan works as well. In fact, after the sacking of Rome, it was these Christian communities, particularly in Ireland, that preserved the great works of ancient literature for future generations. Christ-followers established the first universities, like Oxford in the 13th century, whose motto is taken from Psalm 27:1 - "The Lord is my light." The Sunday School movement was largely responsible for the foundation of the first public schools. The first law to require mass universal education was also enacted by Christ-followers - the same ones who founded Harvard and Yale and William and Mary and Princeton, etc...

It was Christian missionaries who found languages that had not been committed to writing and who devoted their lives to doing so. They compiled the first dictionaries, wrote the first grammars and developed the first alphabets. It was Methodist missionary, Frank Laubach who was called "the Apostle to the Illiterates. He traveled to more than a hundred countries and his organization developed primers in 313 languages.

Contrary to popular thought today, Christianity was largely responsible for the development of modern science. As Alfred North Whitehead, one of the dominant thinkers of the twentieth century asked, "What is it that made it possible for science to emerge in the human race? It's the medieval insistence on the rationality of God." The vast majority of the pioneers of science were believers in Christ, men like William of Ockham, Francis Bacon, Galileo, Copernicus, Blaise Pascal, Joseph Priestley, Louis Pasteur, Isaac Newton, etc...

The book also deals with Jesus' influence on government and the arts, technology, architecture, marriage and the family and so much more. As Yale historian Jaroslav Pelikan wrote, "Regardless of what anyone may personally think or believe about him, Jesus of Nazareth has been the dominant figure in the history of Western Culture for almost twenty centuries. If it were possible, with some sort of super magnet, to pull up out of the history every scrap of metal bearing at least a trace of his name, how much would be left?" How much, indeed.

Whether you are a skeptic or a Christ-follower, I recommend you read this book. It will change your thinking of this man called Jesus, the one I am so blessed to call my Saviour.

Related Articles:
Book Review: I Am A Follower
Made For Relationship
The Power of the Mind
Book Review: "Why Jesus?"
What Is A Christ-follower?


   

Which Me Will You Be?

Yesterday I did a book review of John Ortberg's "The Me I Want To Be." As I said, it's one of my favorite books already, so I thought that I would take one of his themes and expand on it today.

Each of us make choices in life, some big ones; some little ones. These choices, especially the big ones, have a great deal to do with the people we are becoming. We often are convinced to settle for someone else's version of success, rather than becoming who God called us to be. In the second chapter of Ortberg's book, he mentions a number of different "mes."

The Me I Don't Want To Be
I don't know about you, but I don't want to be a pretender. I remember early in my ministry being very intimidated by other pastors who were around me. Actually, they were not called Pastor, they were called "Reverend." They wanted to make it clear to all around that they had earned this distinction, and were very quick to offer up their credentials, degrees, etc... to prove their point. (There's nothing wrong with titles, I'm speaking here of attitude.)

To me, they were simply unapproachable. Please hear me, I am a believer in education, but I think that education often simply makes us more of what we were in the first place. If we were arrogant, intolerant, and boastful before, we'll simply be more-so if we get a degree. But if we're teachable, humble, and caring before, the chances are we'll be more like that. What I learned from those early days is that being qualified doesn't have to make you insufferable. I also found myself drawn to those who had the same letters beside their names, but didn't pretend to be perfect or put on airs.

The Me I Pretend To Be
I find in myself a disturbing tendency - I like to impress people. I can easily act like those I mentioned above. I like for people to think highly of me and, when I'm at my worst, I can bend the truth to try to make that happen. It's like the story that Ortberg shares of the "freshly minted lieutenant (who) wanted to impress the first private to enter his new office, and he pretended to be on the phone with a general so that the private would know he was somebody. 'Yes sir, General, you can count on me,' he said as he banged the receiver down. Then he asked the private what he wanted. 'I'm just here to connect your phone, sir.'" Priceless.

God sees the real me, and if I'm ever to become all that I can be, I need to be honest about who I am. It sounds like a good place to start.

The Me I Think I Should Be
I think we all have a tendency to look around and to compare ourselves with others, doing a mental tally of how we measure up. I have gone to seminars and tried to reproduce in my own life what I've heard that someone else is doing, only to end up frustrated and disillusioned when I realize that I'm not them. Sometimes I've lived my life trying to live up to the expectations that everyone else had for me - a surefire recipe for burnout.

Something that Henri Nouwen said is very insightful here: "Spiritual greatness has nothing to do with being greater than others. It has everything to do with being as great as each of us can be." As Ortber says, "...God's plan is not for you to obey him because you should even though you don't want to. He made you  to want his plan for you."

The Me Other People Want Me To Be
Have you noticed that pretty much everyone has an opinion on how you should change? Your doctor thinks you should exercise more (he's probably right). Your wife thinks you should eat better (she's probably right too). Your boss thinks you should work harder; ad execs think you should spend more money and the government thinks you should pay more taxes. But when I allow others to make those determinations for me, I become less me (though I should exercise more and eat better).

I'm learning that the person I need to please is no-one other than God himself. He knows me like nobody else does, including me. The question is, do I trust him?

The Me I'm Afraid God Wants
"A recent study by the Barna Group found that the number one challenge to helping people grow spiritually is that most people equate spiritual maturity with trying hard to follow the rules in the Bible." This is a major issue because it misses the point: "Jesus didn't come to make bad people good; he came to make dead people live." (See John 10:10)

You can be a very religious person and be far from the best version of yourself. Jesus came to deal with the heart, and to call us to join him in reshaping this world. We can only do this as we understand ourselves as we were meant to be. God can be trusted with your life.

The Me That Fails To Be
When an infant is born, but for some reason is unable to gain weight, it is often diagnosed with what is called Failure To Thrive (FTT), kind of a catch-all diagnosis. This seems to be very common among adults in regards to life in general. There are a great many people who are simply stuck. They can't seem to make the changes that need to be made. They know things aren't right in their marriage, their job, their life, but they can't seem to summon up the courage or the strength to do anything about it.

Perhaps the best way to describe many people is the term Ortberg uses - "languishing." "Languishing is the condition of someone who may be able to function but has lost a sense of hope and meaning." There are many who simply need to open up their hearts to the possibility of hope - that God really does have a better plan for them than they are experiencing right now.

The Me I Am Meant To Be
In my ministry I have had the privilege of watching the lives of people being transformed. I've seen families with long-standing problems and on the verge of breakup be turned around and become life-giving. I've seen alcoholics and drug addicts discover that God actually did have a better plan for them. I've seen negative, critical people with a chip on their shoulder be changed into positive role models. How? By opening themselves up to God's design for their lives.

I've also seen people stubbornly keep up appearances, putting on the facade of religiousity so that they could look good in the community - but never finding the very purpose for which they were created. So close and yet so far... Saint Irenaeus wrote, "The glory of God is a human being fully alive; and to be alive consists in beholding God."       

What has helped you connect with God and his purpose for your life?

Related Articles:
Book Review: "The Me I Want To Be"
Why don't you like me?
Made For Relationship
The Power of the Mind
Developing Great Habits

Book Review: "The Me I Want To Be"

This book by John Ortberg has very quickly become one of my favorites. I found a great deal of useable and practical material in it for both my personal life and for use in my leadership. The premise of the book is that, since God created us, the secret to finding fulfillment in life is to grow in our relationship with Him and to cooperate with Him. 

There are twenty two chapters in this book, so I will not do a synopsis of each. I will, however, list the chapter titles here. Then I will do a synopsis of the seven parts of the book.

1. Learn Why God Made You
2. The Me I Don't Want To Be
3. Discover the Flow
4. Find Out How You Grow
5. Surrender: The One Decision That Always Helps
6. Try Softer
7. Let Your Desires Lead You To God
8. Think Great Thoughts
9. Feed Your Mind With Excellence
10. Never Worry Alone
11. Let Your Talking Flow Into Praying
12. Temptation: How Not To Get Hooked
13. Recognize Your Primary Flow-Blocker
14. When You Find Yourself Out Of The Flow, Jump Back In
15. Try Going Off The Deep End With God
16. Make Life-Giving Relationships A Top Priority
17. Be Human
18. Find A Few Difficult people To Help You Grow
19. Let God Flow In Your Work
20. Let Your Work Honor God
21. You Have To Go Through Exile Before You Come Back Home
22. Ask For A Mountain

Each of these topics could make for an interesting blog (maybe I'll try that later), and John's engaging style holds your attention. Let's look at the different parts.

Part 1 - Finding My Identity
This section is made up of the first two chapters and focuses on understanding ourselves in light of God, and often in spite of ourselves - our past, our mistakes, our critics. We must recognize that, because God Made us, He knows why we were made and how we can be fulfilled. It speaks not of religion, but of a growing relationship with God. This quote perhaps says it best: "There is an enormous difference between following rules and following Jesus, because I can follow rules without following the right heart." (p. 28). The question for us then is, how do we (personally) best connect with God who gives life? We need to build those practices into our lives.

Part 2 - Flowing With The Spirit
Part 2 takes up the next four chapters and speaks of God's plan to release His life into you and I - His Holy Spirit. This speaks of the way in which we allow God to work in our lives. "Jesus does not come to rearrange the outside of our life the way we want. He comes to rearrange the inside of our life the way God wants." (p. 62). This involves surrender and learning how to cooperate with God's Spirit as He works in us. 

Part 3 - Renewing My Mind
The next four chapters deal with engaging our minds in the pursuit of God. Most people don't recognize that our spiritual life has a great deal to do with our thought life. Romans 12:2 is one of my life verses and is the key to this section: "Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." The question is, what are we feeding our minds? Also, how do we manage our attitude, and avoid anxiety? The better we do in these areas the richer our lives become.

Part 4 - Redeeming My Time
The first of four chapters in this section succeeds in taking the mystery out of prayer. Prayer is communicating with God, and many people pray without realizing it. Making prayer a natural part of our lives is vital. The following chapters speak of being honest with ourselves - our personalities, our temptations, our sins, our needs. "We must identify and understand that which threatens our ability to flourish, and only sin can keep us from becoming the person God wants us to become." (p. 145).

Part 5 - Deepening My Relationships
Here we deal with the power of relationships, beginning with our relationship with God. There are levels of intimacy, and many settle for less than the best with God, who knows us better than we do ourselves. We also need others, and the depth of our relationships is up to us. Do we have life-giving relationships? "What distinguishes consistently happier people from less happy people is the presence of rich, deep, joy-producing, life-changing, meaningful relationships." (pp. 182-183). This again requires being honest with ourselves and with others and developing the ability to learn from everyone.

Part 6 - Transforming My Experience
This section speaks to integrating our spiritual life with our everyday life, recognizing that there is no difference in God's eyes. For this reason, God calls us to excellence and full engagement in every area of our lives. The last chapter of this section reminds us that, even in adversity, God is with us, and we are called to  recognize His presence, even in times of trouble.

Part 7 - Flowing From Here On Out
This final chapter and section challenges us to see life differently. It calls us to recognize that we are here for a reason and, therefore, to live our lives on purpose. What is it that God has placed in your hear to accomplish? What is keeping you from doing it? God and change your world.

This book includes many helpful charts and illustrations to assist in self-evaluation. I will be returning to this book often - highly recommended for everyone.

Related Articles:
Book Review: "The Harbinger"
Book Review: "Why Jesus?"
Some Books Worth Reading
Made For Relationship
Seven Keys For A Better Life



     

Why don't you like me?

A lot of people go through life asking this question - why don't they like me? They look at others who are surrounded by friends and who seem to be people magnets and wonder - why can't that be me?

Believe it or not, many studies have been done to determine just exactly what it is that causes us to like someone. You may be surprised by the results. In his book, The Me I Want To Be, John Ortberg shares that "Out of all the causes - physical attractiveness, IQ, ability, personality type - the number one factor that determines whether or not you will like another person is whether or not they like us. If they like you, you will like them. If they don't like you, you will not like them." Of course there are exceptions, but in general this is true. So what are the implications of this?

For one thing, it appears that how we interact with people has a great deal to do with how they treat us. It seems that what Dale Carnegie taught years ago is true. He wrote a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People that was a bestseller for a long time. Here's a quote from that book: "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." In light of the studies Ortberg talks about, this seems to be borne out in real life.

The question, then, would seem to be, how can we develop a genuine interest in people? I'm not talking about learning sales techniques in order to fool someone into thinking that you like them. I'm talking about learning how to genuinely be a people person. I think the greatest example of this in history is Jesus Christ.

As we read the Gospels we find that people were drawn to him, and no wonder. He welcomed every encounter with anyone who was genuine. Even with those with whom He disagreed, His goal was to point them towards the truth. He crossed social and cultural boundaries to add value to people who were outcasts. He made world-changers out of people to whom no-one else paid attention. What did He see that others didn't?

Jesus knew that every person He laid eyes on was created in the image of God, and as such, had innate value. It was this principle that the U.S. founding fathers seized on as they stated in the preamble to the Declaration of Independence: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

In the context of Jesus' life and actions, He treated each person who came to Him with respect, recognizing their intrinsic value. As Bill Hybels said, “We have never locked eyes with someone that did not matter to God.” Christians, in particular, need to grasp this truth. We may disagree with people, but we don't have to be disagreeable.

It's about your attitude.

You can either see people as assets or enemies. If you view them with suspicion, they will sense that and not be drawn to you. If, however, you're one of those who believes that every stranger is simply a friend you haven't met yet, you will have no shortage of friends. Treat people as you wish to be treated (the Golden Rule). As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great."

Let's look at some good habits to develop if you want to be a people person.

• Smile.

This is so easy to do and makes such a big difference. Have you noticed that a smile is infectious? Try it on the next person you meet. Smile and greet them warmly. Most of the time it is reciprocated. When it's not, let it go.

•  Show genuine interest.

Don't pry - that can be creepy. But allow the other person to tell you something about yourself. Engage in the conversation. One thing I've learned is that everyone has a story, ervone has dreams, and everyone wants to be heard. The problem with many of us is that we're often too busy talking about ourselves to listen. Good listeners are never lonely.

• Remember names. 

This is something I have to work on. I remember when I first came to my current congregation. I met a man in the foyer before the service and we talked for a few minutes. As he left I said, "Goodbye Fred, it was nice meeting you." Now sixteen years later he has still not forgotten that I remembered his name. (I wish I could do that all the time). One method to try is to use the person's name three times in a conversation before you say goodbye. That helps to match the name with the face in your memory bank. There's no sweeter sound to people than their own name.

• Add value to people.

 What can you do to make a difference in the life of the people you meet? Can you connect them with someone? Can you share information with them? Can you buy them a coffee? This afternoon I was in the drive-thru at the coffee shop when I noticed a friend of mine was in the truck behind me. I decided to be nice and buy his coffee. When I pulled up to the window I was surprised to find that the vehicle in front of me had already purchased mine! None of us spent a lot of money, but the kindness brought a smile to all of our faces.

Let me conclude with some helpful quotes on the subject:

• "This is the final test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible service to him." - William Lyon Phelps
• "To love a person means to see him as God intended him to be." - Fyodor Dostoyevski
• "The most useful person in the world today is the man or woman who knows how to get along with other people. Human relations is the most important science in living." - Stanley C. Allyn
• "You have two choices: You can act as though you tolerate people, or you can appreciate people. Those who appreciate people are going to make others more comfortable." - Roger Ailes
• "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." - Mother Teresa

Related Articles:
Made For Relationship
The Power of Encouragement
Caring Enough to Confront
Are You a People Person?
Are You Teachable?

Made For Relationship

Have you ever wanted to resign from the human race? Have you been disappointed, hurt, betrayed just one time too many and said to yourself, "Enough is enough!?" Join the crowd.

I think we've all been there from time to time in our lives because, the truth is, relationships are hard. They're also very much worth it. This is not just my opinion, (even though I'm sure that's good enough for you). The facts back me up on this.

I've been reading a great book by John Ortberg called The Me I Want To Be. In that book he quotes some interesting factoids. Social researcher Robert Putnam is quoted as saying that "The single most common finding from a half-century's research on life satisfaction, not only from the U.S. but around the world, is that happiness is best predicted by the breadth and depth of one's social connections."

This confirms something that I've learned from observation, people who have good, healthy relationships are generally happier and even physically healthier than their lonely counterparts. The reality is that we need each other.

We can define success in many different ways, but researchers at The Journal of Happiness Studies (I'm not making this up) have found that one factor consistently separates quite happy people from less happy people. It's not money, health, security, attractiveness, IQ, or career success. As Ortberg says, "What distinguishes consistently happier people  from less happy people is the presence of rich, deep, joy-producing, life-changing, meaningful relationships."

That being said, how are your relationships?

The sad truth is that most men will only have one or two close personal friends in their lifetime - if at all. Many men live their entire lives without having anyone with whom they can disclose their deepest hurts or greatest victories. Women, on the other hand, tend to be much more relational.

I think Henry David Thoreau had a most insightful moment when he said: "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them." The question is, does it have to be this way? I think not.

One of the growing observations in my ministry is this: God has called us to community. He came to redeem and to restore. Part of that restoration involves community. Jesus consistently called us to love one another, and to make loving relationships a priority in our lives. It begins with having a restored relationship with God, from whom we receive what we need to live in relationship. The New Testament is full of "one anothers." We're called to "bear one another's burdens," "forgive each other," "confess our faults one to another," and many more.

It is the moving from surface relationships to true connectedness that is the challenge. Ortberg is right when he says "Connectedness is not the same thing as knowing many people. People may have many contacts in many networks, but they may not have any friends."

There is a risk involved in this, of course. People are people, and they will let you down. But learning to forgive and try again is all a part of personal growth. The option is isolation - and that is not a good option.

There are some amazing facts out there in relation to the power of relationships. Ortberg states that "People who are socially disconnected are between two and five times more likely to die from any cause than those who have close ties to family, friends, and other relationships. People who have bad health habits like cigarette smoking, overeating, elevated blood pressure, and physical inactivity - but who still remain connected - live longer than people who have great health habits but are disconnected."

So how do we build those healthy relationships?

Look up. Start with God. All worthwhile change begins with God. If this relationship is broken, nothing else will work. When Jesus was asked what was the greatest commandment in the Law He immediately replied: “'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)

Look around. Find those "life-givers" who are around you. Who is it that encourages you? Who loves you and wants the best for you? Who is there for you even after you blow it? Strengthen these relationships.

Look within. Be honest with yourself. Many people have never been still long enough to look at their own lives, their dreams, their fears, their hurts, their passions. We are to deal with the baggage if we are to realize our potential. All of this is best done in community.

Look out. Once you have found what you need, look for someone else who is in need of community. There is no shortage of people who have been deprived of healthy meaningful relationships. You can be part of the solution - believe in somebody. As Emily Kimbrough said, "We all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand."

Let me end with a quote from Proverbs 18:1 (The Message): "Loners who care only for themselves spit on the common good."

Related Articles:
The Power of Encouragement
Repacking the baggage of our lives
Are You a People Person?
What Love Language Do You Speak?
Iron Sharpens Iron

The Power of the Mind

I've been reading a great book lately by John Ortberg called "The Me I Want To Be." John is a pastor in California and formerly a teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago, where I first heard of him. He's a great communicator and does a great job of making complicated issues understandable for the rest of us.

In his chapter called "Think Great Thoughts" he talks about learning how to monitor our thought patterns. For years now I've been speaking about the Biblical mandate to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind," so this was particularly enlightening to me. It's amazing how much our thought patterns control us, and also how we can deliberately reshape those patterns to make positive change. Here's a great illustration John uses:

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue
to taunt me with bizarre,
little dangling objects.
The only thing that keeps me
going is my dream of escape.

Two animals, identical circumstances; totally different experiences. The point is that the focus of our thoughts has a great deal to do with our outcomes. On what do you focus?

I speak to people often whose focus is on their problems and how life has done them wrong. Their mindset filters out any of the good things that may be happening around them and, instead, picks up on, and magnifies, any real or perceived slight. Over their lifetime they have unwittingly helped to create a reality for themselves that is far worse than it needs to be.

This is now scientifically verified. As Ortberg writes, "Even twenty years ago, researchers thought the adult brain was genetically determined and structurally unchangeable. But they have since found that even into adulthood the brain is amazingly changeable - it has neuroplasticity. Which synapses remain and which ones whither away depends on your mental habits. Those that carry no traffic go out of business like bus routes with no customers. Those that get heavily trafficked get stronger and thicker. The mind shapes the brain. Neurons that wire together fire together. In other words, when you practice hope, love or joy, your mind is actually, literally, rewiring your brain!"

It stands to reason then, that Scripture would speak to this. Colossians 3:2 tells us, "Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things." One of my life verses, Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Ultimately, how we choose to think is up to us, which is why we can point to people of similar backgrounds who chose radically different paths. Your past, your circumstances, your family background doesn't need to define your future. What I have found helpful is to use God's Word as a filter through which I can interpret events. For example, Jeremiah 29:11 - "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Or Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

So, here's a question, where are your thought patterns taking you? Again, Ortberg writes, "As a general rule, our emotions flow out of our thoughts. Discouraged people tend to think discouraging thoughts. Worried people tend to think anxious thoughts." Conversely, positive people tend to think positive thoughts. Why not begin today to take charge in this area? Think better thoughts to start moving in a better direction.

Related Articles:
Developing Great Habits
“Put God First” - The Principle of Priority
"Take Out the Trash" - The Principle of Transformation
"Write It Down" - The Principle of Clarity
"Turn It Off!" - The Principle of Restoration
"Do It Now" - The Principle of Inertia